Maximum Chaos

To Be Santa Claus

2011-12-21T08:09:00.015-06:00

Why I Want to be Reincarnated as Santa Claus

Reason 1: I would get to visit the North Pole. I have never been to the North Pole but I am certain it would be a fantastic experience.

Reason 2: I would get to eat everything I want without feeling guilty. (This reason alone justifies wanting to be Santa Claus!)

Reason 3: I would be able to stop time and fly around the entire world in one night in a magic sleigh with reindeer.

Reason 4: I would get to work with actual elves. Possibly making me one of the taller people in my immediate world. This would be a big change.

Reason 5: One of my favorite colors is green and I have three red-headed children. Obviously it was meant to be!

Reason 6: I’d be able to go down chimneys. I’d even be able to go down the chimneys of houses without chimneys. This would be interesting.

Reason 7: My entire life would be devoted to giving and making children happy. What could be better than that?

Hair Clippers Mishap

2011-10-26T18:31:00.001-05:00

I simply cannot explain what happened without crying.

Needless to say, the Little Man needs a professional barber,
who apparently is NOT ME!!!

Cob Webs

2011-10-24T05:52:00.001-05:00

Hello?

Anyone home?

Anyone there?!?

Why is it so cob-webby and dusty?

HEEELLLLLLLOOOOO?

Sigh.

Okay, I get the hint. I've been gone for several months and although I could bore you with the details, I won't. I will spare all of the trauma -- plus if you know me, you know that my memory is royally hideous and therefore most of what I recount would probably be fabricated.

Just wanted to say HOWDY! And let everyone know I am still alive and will be blogging again. Yah! Go me... and go you for reading!

Hugs!

Photo Friday: Week 32 - Shadows

2011-08-12T05:32:00.007-05:00

It's Photo Friday! Week 32's theme is "shadows". While the wee ones were happily jumping on the trampoline, I was able to catch these photos as their tiny bodies flew threw the air and cast shadows. It was so fun to see the outline of their little forms on the trampoline mat.

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyones ideas of each weeks theme.

It's A Girl!

2011-07-31T16:16:00.000-05:00

Husband's BFF & Wife (remember the Wedding of the Century?! click here to be reminded of that FANTABULOUS party!) found out a few months ago that they are preggers!!! Well, obviously only Wife is preggers, but you know what I mean. Since I absolutely love babies and love BFF & Wife -- I was completely ecstatic by their baby news. And it just keeps getting better!

Nope, not twins! Although that would be completely phenomenal news (to me...)

Because BFF & Wife are totally awesome, they decided to share their special moment of revealing the gender of their precious little babe with friends and family by throwing a "Gender Reveal Party". After Wife's ultrasound on Friday morning, the gender results were whisked away to a baker who made a cake that was either going to be pink for a girl or blue for a boy on the inside. No one but the baker (and the doctor) knew the wee one's gender until the cake was cut on Friday evening at the party.

Husband and I were honored to be at the party and learn that they are having a ..... GIRL! It was so unbelievably sweet! A total tear jerker moment.

Too Sick

2011-07-26T18:30:00.002-05:00

Apparently, while I have been sicker than a dog for the last SIX WEEKS...

Yes, you heard me correctly.

SIX WEEKS!!!

The doctors have been wrong. I had strep throat, but not bronchitis or pneumonia. I did have laryngitis and a sinus infection, but still not bronchitis or pneumonia -- which was treated with THREE different antibiotics and TWO series of steroids (to no avail or relief of symptoms.)

So, I have been blessed to have WHOOPING COUGH!

Seriously?!?!?!?!!?

Who gets Whooping Cough now days? As an adult?!

SIGH.

The really great news is that it can take up to 3 months to clear up and with all of the coughing, I have managed to pull several rib muscles and even crack a rib! Go me! I love being an over-achiever!

As I recover, I will be taking a minor break from blogging as I attempt to heal. Any prayers would be greatly appreciated.

Photo Friday: Week 29 - Summer

2011-07-22T04:28:00.020-05:00

PHOTO FRIDAY PROJECT! Week 29's theme is "Summer", which is another fabulous, broad topic and as usual, I have a horrible time narrowing down my choices to only one or two photos.

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyone's ideas of each weeks theme.

4 Things About Me

2011-07-21T01:56:00.000-05:00

Jobs (Paying) I’ve Had:

1. Nanny

2. Pharmacy Sales Associate

3. Conference Center Scheduler

4. Executive Assistant

Places I Have Lived:

1. Minneapolis, MN

2. Saint Paul, MN

3. There is no more...

4. Ditto to 3

Food I Love:

1. Spaghetti with meat sauce

2. Chicken Fajitas with lots of red & green peppers (no onions)

3. Anything with Peanut Butter! (I make a MEAN PB cake with PB frosting)

4. Potato Chips!

Websites I Visit Daily:

1. Minnesota Public Radio

2. Banking (blech!)

3. Blogfrog

4. Facebook

Places I’d Rather Be:

1. Laying under a comfy blanket in bed with a better book and the AC blasting!

2. Traveling around aimlessly until I found where I wanted to go

3. Half Price Books

4. Chowing down at Benihana's

Movies I Love:

1. Wedding Crashers

2. Dirty Dancing

3. Any Twilight Movie

4. Bowling for Columbine

TV Shows I Watch:

1. Glee (!)

2. Criminal Minds

3. Anything on the Food Network

4. Anything on HGTv

4 People I Tag:

Ummm….How do you tag people via the blog?

Photography - Wordless(ful) Wednesday

2011-07-20T06:43:00.001-05:00

Time Travel Tuesdays - A Day By The Numbers

2011-07-19T07:16:00.001-05:00

Nicole at By Word of Mouth Musings has created a great link-up/blog hop called Time Travel Tuesdays. Each week she asks you to pull out an old post and link up. It's so much fun to read recycled posts of fellow bloggers.

Monday, July 5, 2010

A Day By The Numbers

10: Number of dollars spent to gain entrance at the "cheap" movie theater for a family of five to watch "How To Train Your Dragon".

25: Number of minutes it takes to drive through town to get to the cheap theater.

4 million: Number of hours the same 25-minute drive FELT like while listening to three kids argue about who's turn it was to lead a rousing game of "I Spy With My Little Eye."

13: Number of toys that fell into a gigantic mud puddle when I opened my car door in the theater parking lot.

15: Number of people who were excited to learn that my family was sitting in their row at the theater.

3,491,876: Number of calories consumed within a two-hour period by my three children in the form of salt-soaked popcorn, Junior Mints, M&Ms, Twizzlers, nachos and soda.

4: Number of times Little Man went to the bathroom during the first half of the movie.

187: Number of people seated around us who think we handle the children well during a supposedly amusing, quiet, family-friendly movie.

523: Number of times Little Man "accidentally" kicked the back of the man's chair in front of us.

523: Number of times I apologized to the man in front of Little Man.

527: Number of times I asked the man in front of Little Man if I could buy him a soda, soft pretzel, nachos, or illegal narcotic.

3: Number of children who asked me, with a straight face, if they could have ice cream when we got home.

Infinite (PRICELESS): Number of times we'll do this again when we get the chance. It was worth every penny, tear, apology, and minute of temporary insanity.

Living in a Furnance

2011-07-17T18:29:00.000-05:00

Wee ones had an awesome time playing with their new water hopscotch thingy. Good times with weather that includes temps in the 90s and heat indexes into between105-110... Just so you know that means our dew points and therefore, humidity levels that are comparable to what you feel in RAINFORESTS!

But I distinctly remember living in Minnesota and would prefer to see this right now...

Photo Friday: Week 28 - Family

2011-07-15T18:36:00.001-05:00

PHOTO FRIDAY PROJECT! Week 28's theme is "Family". With this week's theme being so very broad, it was excessively challenging for me to find only a couple of pictures. I mean, I want to share the connection between my wee ones, and my connection to my sisters and mom who are my cornerstones and that doesn't even touch on my best friends and neighbors who I also view as family! I am so very beyond blessed to be surrounded by so many loving, kind, supportive people!

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyone's ideas of each weeks theme.

Photography - Wordless(ful) Wednesday

2011-07-13T06:50:00.016-05:00

Have I ever mentioned that I wish I could be a professional photographer? I've never taken so much as a community education program. Nor have I taken a course in HS or college or ... any type of formal teaching process. As a matter of a fact, I haven't even loaned books through the library to try to teach myself different photography techniques. It all seems so daunting and overwhelming! Way TOO MUCH to learn. Yet, once in a while, I amaze myself with a decent shot. Below are a few pictures I've taken recently that I really ended up liking, without any type of photo editing software -- not to toot my own horn...

Time Travel Tuesdays

2011-07-12T07:01:00.002-05:00

One of my not-so-proud parenting moments is remembered today...

Friday, March 18, 2011

One of Those Days

You know how sometimes you just have one of THOSE parenting days. One of those days when you just aren’t proud of your reactions to the wee ones shenanigans or the stunts they pull, because after all, as their primary care giver, you know dang well you taught them so much better than that!!!

So, it was one of THOSE days. I am unable to share the gory details but I will share the two humorous highlights of the day.

My minivan was totaled a few weeks ago. A family friend graciously offered to borrow me their tiny, two door sedan while we were waiting to purchase a newer vehicle, which leaves Big E, Little Princess and Little Man all squashed together, shoulder to shoulder, in the back seat. The wailing and shrieks from the backseat that ensue every time we go anywhere is grating on my ever over-wrought nerves.

Fast forward to THAT day. All the children have just got off the bus after school. I immediately pile them into the sardine can (that we are very grateful to be borrowing!). We are trying to get to my mom’s apartment so I can help her after her open heart surgery. Children are starving. I swing through Mickey D’s drive-thru for ice cream cones. All I hear are happy, slurping noises for approximately 4.79 seconds, then more shrieking.

Stop touching me!

You’re dripping ice cream on me!

Wipe your face!

Ewww!

You got ice cream on me again!

Stop it! Stop it!

AHHHHHHH!!!

I look up in the rear view mirror just in time to see Little Man slap his ice cream cone onto Little Princess’ forehead and shout, “There! Now you have my ice cream on you!”

SIGH!

Later that evening, I send Princess and Little Man upstairs to brush their teeth. Although I realize it’s not intelligent to send a four and five year old upstairs without parental supervision, I figured they could briefly contain themselves for a few minutes while I finished in the kitchen.

Suddenly I heard an odd, kind of hissy sound and a chemically smell burned the inside of my nostrils. Princess started yelling at that moment as I ran for the stairs.

“What is going on up here? What is that smell?!?!”

“AHHHH! Little Man! Stop spraying that! Stop! Right now! THIS INSTANT!!!” Little Princess launches herself into my arms as I reach the top of the stairs.

“But I pooped and it’s stinky.”

“Hello?! That’s not air freshener! It’s Lysol cleansing foam. Wait! Why’s Princess’ hair all wet?”

“I was helping her get clean,” Little Man announces proudly.

“Oh crap! All those chemicals on her skin and why is the floor wet too? The. Floor. Is. Soaking. Did you spray this every where?!?!?”

“Yep!” Little Man is sporting a massive smile…

WTH

Double sigh.

Just one of THOSE kinds of parenting days.

The Scoop on Poop Continues -- Red

2011-07-11T05:57:00.001-05:00

Yahoo! I couldn't be more excited! I am jumping up and down as I clap my hands and squeal with delight. I am so very honored to be featured as this week's guest blogger on The Scoop on Poop. Go me! Go us -- The Drama Mama at The Scoop on Poop! Check it out!

~*~*~*~*~*~

When you think of the word "red", what comes to mind? I think most folks immediately think of the color red and their thoughts flow from there. Depending on what you do for a living, perhaps you relate "red" with blood, a shiny apple, a perfect tulip, or perhaps Clifford the Big Red Dog. Red is thought to provoke bold or aggressive emotions. It's a color that can cause a faster heartbeat and breathing. It's supposed to be the most popular restaurant design colors since it's an appetite stimulant. And of course, red is said to be the color of love and passion.

For me, as a RED HEAD, I've always associated the word/color "red" with my hair. Approximately only 1-2% of the world population has red hair. There are also common urban myths about red heads becoming "extinct", which is ridiculous if you think about how genetics word, AND I swear, MN has a really big population of red heads. They are everywhere!!!

I am unable to think of red without connecting the thoughts to my wee ones and my own childhood.

It was apparent from an early age that I was frequently noticed and singled out due to my very red -- almost garishly florescent orange -- hair.

Insert Family Folklore: As newborn babe in the hospital nursery, a daddy escorted his little boy to pick up their newborn. The daddy asked, "Which one do you think is ours?" My dad was watching from the wings. The little boy promptly pointed to me and my glowing hair, which stood out noticeably bright against the blondes, brunettes, and bald little cone heads. When the daddy gently ushered the little boy to his actual sibling (completely bald, I'm told), the little boy threw such a stinking fit that the dad had to carry the flailing boy from the nursery. Growing up hearing that story, I was proud of my red hair color.

Fast forward to elementary school. All of the boys teased me about the flamboyant color. It was the bane of my existence. I was shy when I was younger and didn't like the extra attention my bright, flaming hair brought on.

Fast forward to junior high school and high school. I began to LOVE my red hair. It was now an asset that set me apart from all of the other girls. I remember being so surprised to find that there are actually some guys who really like (and dare I say, prefer) red heads. It was a totally different story to be "the red head" the guy across the room was eyeing! What an advantage -- or at least that is what my 16 year old mind thought.

Fast forward one last time. I'm in my 30's, married, graying quickly (UGH!!!), and three of our four children are red heads.

What does red mean to me now?

Well, truth be told, I think the first thing that comes to mind now days are those famed RED HEADED TEMPERS and their stubbornness! Now, I know that's a stereotype and usually I don't like to blather on about stereotypes... However, after being a red head and now having 3 of them, it's easy to wonder if there is something to be said for their hair color affecting their feisty attitudes and unrelenting pig-headedness.

From my experience as a redhead, I think redheads are noticed more, teased more, singled out, and perhaps even labeled. If that is true, maybe they learn to act differently because of that attention (positive and negative). Do we, as redheads, tend to accept the redhead label as an excuse to act a certain way? Good question. What do you think?

Are redheads unique, passionate, smart and creative? You bet!!!

"Out of the ash I rise

with my red hair.

And eat men like air."

~ Sylvia Plath

P.S. No photo editing on these pictures. My wee ones hair really is this bright!!!

Photo Friday: Week 27 - Red, White & Blue

2011-07-10T17:37:00.001-05:00

It's Photo Friday -- a few days late (as usual!) But this time I have great excuses! Over the past month I have been to the doctor no less than 3 times. First it was strep throat, then it was viral bronchitis (nothing they could do), then it was bacterial bronchitis, quickly followed by "Whoops, perhaps it's been pneumonia the whole time" and on Friday I was finally diagnosed with laryngitis. Seriously, people?!?!? I feel like the walking dead. SIGH! However, life is going to be better. I am looking on the positive side of things... No more excuses or sniveling.

PHOTO FRIDAY PROJECT! Week 27's theme is "Red, White and Blue" for the 4th of July. This was a fun week and there were several fun photos to choose from. Since I am unable to ever narrow it down to only one or two photos, I managed to limit myself to three shots.

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyone's ideas of each weeks theme.

The Scoop on Poop ROCKS!

2011-07-08T11:57:00.000-05:00

Yahoo! I couldn't be more excited! I am jumping up and down and almost squealing with extreme delight.

I am so very honored to be featured as this week's guest blogger on The Scoop on Poop. Go me! Go us -- The Drama Mama at The Scoop on Poop! Check it out!

Don't forget to also stop back on Monday, when I share the 2nd half of my posting...

Time Travel Tuesdays

2011-07-05T06:23:00.001-05:00

I'd like to share a post from last week that probably shortened my life by about 14.95 years and certainly gave me more than my fair share of gray hair. (For the record, believe me! Not Little Princess...)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Irrational Fear

Apparently I am full of irrational fears.

It's amusing how once you birth children, the world becomes an amazingly dangerous place. Suddenly your child-less friend's living room is like a mine-field -- all those pointy, sharp corners on the coffee table; the fragile, glass knick-knacks that glitter and beckon to your wee one; the jagged stone fireplace base that screams stitches required for all forehead trippers; the tiny, precious bric-a-brac that would lodge perfectly in your child's throat if they are allowed to get it into their drooly mouth; the ever present flat screen TV that threatens to smoosh your wee one into nothing-nesss. Well, today's story is nothing about those fears.

It's about something that is so much more realistic and likely to happen... an evil arachnid eating your face off as you innocently relieve yourself in the lavatory.

TRUE STORY!

Over the weekend, I went to sit down on our throne to simply pee. As I pulled my pants down and my dimply cheeks hit the toilet seat, I glanced to my immediate left at the bathroom vanity where the toilet paper dispenser thingy is. To my absolute horror, I saw THIS SPIDER.

The Evil Beast was sitting on top of the toilet paper preparing to launch itself at my poor, unsuspecting self -- and at one of my most vulnerable moments! I had my pants around my ankles. I promise you, if I hadn't already been sitting on the porcelain throne, I would have wet myself right then and there!!! I could tell The Spider was contemplating which part of my face was the most tasty, trying to decide if he should first go for my plump cheeks, or the whites of my eyeballs... I was so frightened that I almost forgot how to scream.

Mind you, I said ALMOST!

I let out an impressive blood-curdling scream that was truly worthy of a teeny-bopper meeting her end in a slasher horror flick.

I heard a stampede of tiny feet flinging their bodies towards the bathroom door to see what all the hullabaloo was about. Little Man was the first to arrive.

While I pointed in terror at The Spider still happily occupying the top of the toilet paper roll, Little Man took one look and said, "Eww!" and then ran for the safety of my bedroom.

Diva was next to arrive on the scene. She quickly spotted the intruder and shrieked, "Ann! Quick! Grab your pants!" I was still so panic stricken that I had not moved a millimeter.

Little Princess barrels into the bathroom. When she sees what we are all freaking about, she heaves a huge sigh, rolls her eyes and says, "Oh please! It's just a a tiny spider." With a quick flick of her wrist, she launches The Spider off the top of the toilet paper and throw the air AT ME!!!!!!!!

Insert another mind-blowing scream! Along with every limb I own flaying wildly around me. My hair is flinging round my head, my arms and legs are doing the crappie flop as if I have been electrocuted or stung by a thousand bumble bees at once!!!

I don't need to share the rest of the story that may, or may not, include tripping myself with pants around my ankles, undies flying one direction and an even more undignified fall head first into the safety of the hallway. it will suffice to say -- It wasn't pretty.

But I am happy to report that I escaped The Spider unscathed. However, the sad news is, The Spider is still at large in my home!

Oh and for the record, apparently, Little Princess (age 5) says The Spider was only THIS BIG:

I ask you, my dear bloggy friends,
who are you going to believe?
The five-year old or ME?!?

Sunscreen Required

2011-07-03T23:38:00.007-05:00

Despite being sicker than a dog for the past three weeks [I'm now on a stronger antibiotic, steroids and a neb regimen in the hopes of better health], the wee ones and I had the awesome privilege of boating /swimming on the river all day with Fab Neighbor. It was so much fun! And bonus - little to no sunburn on any of us, thanks to the constant stalking of Momzilla (me) armed with spray sunscreen.

Photo Friday: Week 26 - Lighting Experiment

2011-07-01T16:07:00.001-05:00

It's Photo Friday! Week 26's theme is "lighting experiment" and I have been experiencing an awful mind block about what to do. Unfortunately, I'm not so great with the different features of my camera (Nikon D40). I have no excuses other than I just haven't taken the time to learn and experiment.

The first photo was fun because of the way my sister's make-up sparkled in the sunlight filtering in through a stain glass window.

The second photo was taken at a friend's outdoor wedding. I love the sun highlighting one of the young, beautiful bridesmaids.

The third photo is a quick, relaxed snapshot of the unsuspecting bride as she ironed out some last minute details between the ceremony and reception. She was so ecstatic that she seemed to glow from the inside out.

The fourth photo has nothing to do with this week's assignment and is being shared simply because I absolutely adore the look on the bride's and groom's face.

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyone's ideas of each weeks theme.

Irrational Fear

2011-06-29T10:07:00.000-05:00

I ask you, my dear bloggy friends,
who are you going to believe?
The five-year old or ME?!?

Time Travel Tuesdays

2011-06-28T19:57:00.003-05:00

So this week I will share a post from an amusing lapse in memory -- I Amaze Myself.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I Amaze Myseslf

I've mentioned before that I may be a bit forgetful. I also have a helping hand with the assistance of my wee ones with misplacing objects. However, apparently, I cannot always blame it on them.

On Friday morning I was frantically searching all over the house for my cell phone. I remembered having it the night before, but it was no where to be found. I checked under my pillow on the bed; next to and under the bed; the bathroom vanity; the kitchen counters; every available surface in the living room. I started to throw a mild tantrum and was close to blaming the wee ones on losing it. Big E suggested I use the home phone to call my cell phone to see if we could hear it vibrate and find it that way. With a big ol' huffy breath (worthy of Junie B. Jones), I picked up the home phone and dialed my cell phone.

As it turns out, my cell was not so lost.

IT WAS IN MY JEANS POCKET ON MY BODY.

Rolling my eyes, I quickly hung up the home phone as I watched Husband's lip twitch with a barely concealed grin as he shook his head back and forth. Oh! And Big E... she cackled like an insane woman.

At least Husband has learned enough to not actually make a comment at that moment.

Another shining example of how put together I am...

Pay It Forward - Dance Bag

2011-06-26T20:25:00.007-05:00

This week my bestest bud and next door neighbor found a dance bag sitting in the road, near my car parked outside our home. The Fab Neighbor comes into my house and says, "Do you know who Samantha is?" I'm totally confused.

Me: "No. What are you talking about?"

Fab Neighbor: "Well, I found this dance bag -- Irish Step Dance (!), and it belongs to Samantha and apparently she is 10 years old [same age as Big E], so I figured she was a friend of E's."

Me: "Huh. I have no idea who that is."

Fab Neighbor and I are trying to decide how to return the dance bag to the proper owner. Known facts: 1) first and last name of a ten-year old girl -- which we only knew because of a piece of paper that appeared to list dances that Ms. Samantha must have been in for a recent dance competition, 2) the dance studio's name that was embroidered on the bag, and 3) not a freaking thing.

Tactic One: DexOnline the child's last name to see if anyone in our zip code shares her last name. Hmmm... NOPE. There are 30 folks with the same last name in the Twin Cities -- with an estimated population of approximately 3 MILLION people in the entire metro area. FAIL. I am not cold calling a minimum of 30 families. Not a fan of cold calls.

Tactic Two: Google the dance studio name and see if we can contact the studio for information about the family. Found the dance studio website easily enough but there were no phone numbers listed so we were stuck with sending an email to a webmaster email black hole.

Fast forward a few days. I receive an email from Ms. Samantha's mom. SCORE! The studio contacted the mom and the mom contacted us. After several emails, with both Other Mom and I being overly cautious since neither of us wanted to exchange too much personal information, we decide to meet at a park where Big E is playing soccer to pass off the dance bag.

YAY! We meet in person and return the dance bag to super grateful and over the top sweet family. Turns out they had been in our neighborhood for a "fossil hunt-thingy" through a park and rec nearby and when they got back to their car, unfortunately, their back window was smashed out (as well as a few other vehicles) and their dance bag was gone.

The sweetest, ten-year-old girl gave me the biggest hug and handed me the most gracious and affectionate thank you letter ever. Then her mom gives me a massive bouquet of gorgeous flowers. I was all but moved to tears by the thank you letter, which I am sharing below.

It is so awe-inspiring to be a part of something so genuine that put such joy and happiness on the face of such a beautiful girl (who I might add, at 10-years old, was several inches taller than me. Hee, hee!) It is so easy to look the other way and not put the tiny bit of extra work into doing good.

So, again I need to say, YAY!!!

Just in case it's too hard to read the letter via my awful picture.

"Dear Ann,

I can't thank you enough for finding my bag and going through all of that trouble to finding me to return it to me. It was so hard to get back from such a fun day to see our car window broken and my bag gone! I cried for such a long time! Now that you found my bag I am back to being happy because you found my bag and that there are nice people out there to outnumber all the bad people out there. Thank you so, so, so, so, so much!

Love, Sam"

BONUS! Sam had been at a dance competition over the weekend and had won her first TWO gold medals ever, but they were in her dance bag, so she was afraid that she would never see them. My heart swelled with such pride that we could make such a phenomenal girl so happy, just by doing what was right and good.

Photo Friday: Week 24 - Fathers

2011-06-22T21:28:00.001-05:00

It's Photo Friday (and yes, I am aware that I am a bit late seeing that it is now Wednesday...) Week 24's theme is "Fathers." I have very few pictures of my father. There are quite a few stories to be shared about my father, but those will be for a different day. So this photo is an informal one from my wedding...

And then here is a photo of Husband who is beyond camera shy and IMPOSSIBLE to get to smile. I swear that man always looks like he is part of a police line-up in photographs. However, as he and Big E prepared to go to the Girl Scout "My Guy & Me Dance" last year, they were goofing off and teasing me, which allowed me to catch this candid, sweet, giggly moment between them. Love those dimples (although you can't see Big E's in this picture.)

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyones ideas of each weeks theme.

Time Travel Tuesdays

2011-06-21T18:30:00.001-05:00

So this week I will share a post from an amusing (only in hindsight) trip to urgent care. Who knew Cell Phones and Pig Farmers were a part of medical clinic visits?!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Cell Phones & Pig Farmers

On Thursday, I left work early to go beg the Urgent Care pros to make me feel better. I had been in excessive denial for days that I was getting sick. I was vaguely admitting defeat as I called the appointment line on Wednesday, and again Thursday morning. Unfortunately, since it was right before the holiday, of course, all of the appointments were taken. On Thursday morning, the appointment specialist advised me that I (along with five million two hundred eighty thousand and seventy-two other patients) needed to go waste a minimum of 4.5 hours of my life by sitting through the forever-long wait at Urgent Care.

I left work at one pm. The Urgent Care clinic opened at one pm. I was, delusionally, hoping to beat some of the rush by arriving shortly after they opened.

* COUGH, GAG, CHOKE, CHORTLE at my own naivety *

I arrived and promptly was greeted with the sight of FIVE people standing in line, waiting to check in. As I scanned the waiting room, I counted no fewer than TWELVE additional patients already checked in and biding their time until the medicinal fairies would cure them. [ For those of us counting, FIVE plus TWELVE equals SEVENTEEN patients ahead of me.] The sweet Sunday-school-teaching receptionist checks me in and cheerily informs me the wait is at least two to two and a half hours.

Freaking perfect! Anyone familiar with the term "FML" or visited the infamous "FMyLife.com" website? Umm... YEAH!

So I'm chilling with the infectious throngs of hacking, wheezing, sneezing folks. I'm trying my best to stay on the sidelines and out of the reach of the pukers and poor, frazzled mommies with screaming kiddos.

I had just finished my third magazine ("Golf Digest" -- a sport I abhor and don't play, "American Babies" -- my youngest is now 4 years old, and "Midwest Living" -- well, at least I live in the Midwest). I had been waiting for over two hours and my patience was, perhaps, growing a bit thin as I kept glancing at the clock on my cell phone.

All of a sudden, an extremely LOUD and obnoxious woman sits down two chairs from me. She is yakking away on her cell phone. She is talking in Somali and speaking in a B-O-O-M-I-N-G voice that is at least ten decibels above an acceptable "inside voice". As I once again glance at the clock on my own, politely-silenced cell phone, I can feel myself balling up my fists as I listen to the shrieking foreigner on her cell for the eleventh straight minute.

Seriously?!?!? I may need to launch my aching and irritable body (all 5' 1" of me) at this much taller and larger woman. I want to punch her into next year. On a good, healthy day, I positively despise rude people who talk on their cell phones in public and crowded places. It's absolutely inexcusable and irritating beyond belief. UGH!!!

I am contemplating the ways I can inflict bodily harm on this aggravating woman, when I receive a text message from a friend reminding me that if I intend to take out the freaking cell-yeller, I should exact a punishment that includes emotional harm, instead of physical harm, because it's harder to press charges and reach the threshold of "proof" in court. Hmmm.... okay.... I can work with that. How to cause enough emotional pain to make the shrieker leave the clinic waiting room. Other patients are eyeing the woman with disdain too. Maybe we could just take a vote, like on Survivor, and extinguish the monstrosity's cell phone.

Who-hoo!!! Her poor husband's name is called and she trails behind him yakking away at obscene levels of loudness. The collective group of waiting room patients, feeling like we've been spared additional torture we don't deserve, all sigh in relief that she is gone and things are quiet.

SIGH!

Suddenly, from the other side of the waiting room, I hear a pot-bellied, stomach-peeking-out-the-bottom-of-his-tshirt man say. "You know, back on the farm, we didn't have those new technology things. All we had was a party line and it was fine. All this stupid technology. It's a status symbol thing for "those people."

"Those people?!"

Oh man! I can feel my hackles raising again. What does he mean "those people"? Simply because she wasn't speaking English? SIGH!!! I wasn't irritated by what language she was speaking. I was irritated because my throbbing head did NOT appreciate her LOUD-ARSE voice in a tiny, enclosed area.

So the pot-bellied man continues much too loudly. "Well, yeah! I mean, I grew up on a small pig farm and out there things were just right. We had lots of pigs. I worked hard and we used to butch the pigs... and then you can grind them up for pork... or if you do -- then that is bacon. And really, pig is the best kind of meat ever! You can use all kinds of their parts for great stuff -- not only what people think of as an-okay-kind-of-meat. As for me, I will never eat hot dogs again because, well, I helped to butcher the animals and somehow hooves should not be edible. By the way, do you know how much blood a pig has? When you cut..."

ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?!?!?

I refuse to waste any more of YOUR brain cells or MY time recounting what pigs are good for and how to butcher them by the former pig farmer/butcher with a scary ol' pot-belly peeking out of the bottom of his too-short shirt. Ewwwww!!!

So... I waited three and a half hours to see a doctor who I spent less than 15-minutes with me to prescribe me an antibiotic that has thankfully kicked in three days later to at least make me now feel human again.

Hugs to you and your family. Happy New Year!!!

60-80 Party

2011-06-20T20:57:00.001-05:00

This weekend I attended my great auntie's and great uncle's 60-80 Party. They were both turning 80 years old and were also celebrating their 60 year wedding anniversary, so they threw a huge backyard bash for family and friends. It was so sweet and awesome!!! Can you imagine being married for 60 years?!?

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T21:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's Day to all of the important men in my life!

Thank you for being so brave and patient and loving and kind.

I love you!

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~ Bill Cosby

It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~ Johann Schiller

A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~ Author Unknown

ABCs of Me

2011-06-18T09:27:00.059-05:00

I found this post idea at C. Mom. Several bloggers have done the ABC challenge and now I'd like to join in...

A. Are you a PC or a Mac: Always a PC. Husband would have an aneurysm if I chose anything different. Although I must confess to having an iPod that I love.

B: Bed Size: Queen. \However, a king sounds kind of nice lately -- what with all those wee ones joining me in bed EVERY night. I get it that I am all cute and cuddly, but come on!

C. Chore you hate: Putting laundry away. I literally will leave laundry (folded) in a basket and go get clothes from the basket instead of my dresser.

D. Dogs or cat? Always cat! Never been a fan of droooly dogs.

E. Essential “start the day” item: Diet Pepsi.

F. Fave color: Green. Always any shade of green.

H. Height: 5″1'…all of my pants are always way too long. My friends who are 5"6 or 5"8 think it's funny when I call them TALL!

G. Gold or Silver: Gold. Hello! Look how pale my skin is. Silver washes me out even more.

I. Instruments you play: I have NO musical talent -- not in instruments or singing. I've awful.

J. Job: Mom, wife, sister, crisis negotiator, chef, chauffeur, and my paid employment includes project management and executive assistant duties.

K. Kids: 4 wee ones. Daughter, age 10; step daughter, age 7 (on Sunday); daughter, age 5; son, age 4.

L. Living Arrangements: Home owner.

M. Mom’s Name: Margaret. She goes by Peggy.

N. Nickname: “Baby Red” or "Annie".

O. Overnight Hospital Stay: Yup. All three of my children were born via c-section. I've also had gastric bypass and my wisdom teeth a million years ago were a pain in my arse and needed surgical removal.

P. Pet Peeve: Huh! It's hard to only chose one. I can't stand twitchers who constantly shake their leg or tap their foot or fingers. Drives me batty.

Q. Quality I would like to have (but do not): Patience with the wee ones. Lack of an anxiety disorder would also be nice.

R. RIGHTY OR LEFTY?: Righty.

S. SIBLINGS: Two younger sisters. One 11 months younger and the other 5 1/2 years younger.

T. TV Shows: Diners, Drive-Ins and Drives. Or anything on HGTv.

U. Underwear: Can't answer this. Sorry.

V. Vacation I am dreaming of: The Greek Isles, Egypt, Fiji.

W: Wine preference: Sorry. I'm not much of a fan of wine. Give me rum or the occasional tequila.

Y:Yummiest food: Benihana's fried rice with ginger sauce. Or anything PASTA!

Z: Zodiac Sign: Virgo, but I must say that I don't give much deference to astrological signs.

Pick a letter, any letter. How would you answer it?

Hilarious Circumc.... Story

2011-06-17T06:54:00.005-05:00

WEE ONE WARNING!
Do not let children old enough to read be near you unless you want to face
several uncomfortable questions that you may not be ready to answer...

So on Wednesday I posted about joining the Time Travel Tuesdays blog hop and I came across the absolutely most hilarious post ever at All Fooked Up from January 2011. I so wish I could have the courage to be so candid with my mom-in-law. Holy Funny, Batman! Hop over to Lynn's blog, All Fooked Up and read the "recycled" post about circumcision.

POST BELOW:

Today I’m going to discuss circumcisions. Specifically my views on circumcision and a conversation I had regarding such views. Now, this conversation took place quite some time ago so I’m going to try to tell the story without actually offending the people in the story. I’m not too concerned about offending you, the readers, because a) I don’t know you and b) even if I do know you I don’t care and 3) it’s my blog and I can damn well discuss what I like because d) you can stop reading this whenever you want. But you won’t because this story is HILARIOUS.

So, about 20 some odd years ago when Kevin and I had just gotten married but BEFORE we had kids, we were having a conversation with Kevin’s parents and the conversation turned to circumcision. Someone, who shall not be named (that sounds like Voldemort doesn’t it….”He Who Shall Not Be Named”), had a little boy and the parents had decided that the child shouldn’t be circumcised and the following conversation took place:

Key: Me (that’s me). MIL (that’s my mother-in-law). BOY (boy infant in question)

MIL: “They (the parent’s) have decided not to circumcise BOY”

Me: “They need to circumcise him”

MIL: “No Lynn, they’ve done a lot of research and they’ve decided not to”

Me: “He definitely needs to be circumcised!”

(Kevin is starting to look concerned as he watches the typical verbal tennis match between his mother and I – we argue about everything. Kevin’s dad is quietly listening but not commenting)

MIL: “Things have changed Lynn. There is a lot of medical research now that says that circumcision isn’t necessary”

Me: “I’m telling you. It is necessary. The kid needs to be circumcised”

(Now Kevin’s dad is starting to squirm around. His face is going redder … and redder … Kevin is starting to get uncomfortable and is looking at me concerned)

MIL: “I’m not sure that you’re aware of all the new research Lynn”

Me: “The hell with the research. He needs to be circumcised”

MIL: (Starting to get visibly upset…agitated even) “Why? Why do you keep saying that Lynn?”

Me: “It’s just really important”

MIL: “WHY? WHY LYNN, WHY?”

Me: “Why MIL? I’ll tell you why!”

(OK, Kevin’s starting to panic. I can see his face going white. You never know what’s going to come out of my mouth at this point and I was in my 20’s without the incredible self-control that I now exhibit)

Me: “are you sure you want to know?”

(Kevin is really scared and his dad is beginning to turn purple…)

Me: “Because Allison” (wait for it … wait for it!) “… if he doesn’t get circumcised there’s no way that kid is EVER going to get a BLOWJOB!!!”

OMG! All hell broke loose! Kevin’s dad started choking from laughing so hard. His face was a shade of purple that I have never seen on a human being before. Kevin was as white as a sheet that I had just said that to his parents and Kevin’s mom was in a catatonic state of shock. This was definitely not what she thought I was going to say. But seriously, that’s a pretty god damn compelling reason. I mean gals out there, right? No one wants a penis with a hoodie, do they? I know I don’t, or I didn’t back then. And I haven’t been around but one in the last 25 years or so and there sure as hell was no Hoodie on that one. I made SURE that Daniel’s hoodie was taken care of right at the get go.

So yeah, that conversation was priceless. I’m not sure his mother ever recovered and the BOY in question never got a circumcision but I stand strong in my opinion. I’ve never had a run in with a guy with a hoodie and I really can’t say whether the kid ever got a blowjob but I was just doing my part, watching out for the welfare of a minor. Do you agree? Or disagree? I really don’t care…I was just asking.

Time Travel Tuesdays

2011-06-15T07:53:00.001-05:00

Nicole at By Word of Mouth Musings has created a great link-up/blog hop called Time Travel Tuesdays. Each week she asks you to pull out an old post and link up. I'm excited to have joined this week's hop and can't wait to keep reading the recycled posts of fellow bloggers.

My Recycled Post was all about the "Poor People Fun" my wee ones had in December 2009.

This is a perfect example of why parents should NOT spend their good, hard-earned money on toys for their children.

If you're children are anything like mine, they prefer stacking cans of vegetables and fruits into towers as tall as they are. Then to make things interesting, those intelligent wee ones begin to use the Tower O' Veggies as a "tee" and whack a wiffle ball across the kitchen with their elbows.

Gotta love their creativity but it really makes you think twice before you dole out $45 on that hottest, gotta have toy of Christmas 2009.

Seriously, people! I am not forking out $17.99-$28.99 for a pair of Elmo Tickle Hands when this kid adores $0.78 cans of carrots for his homemade Tower O' Veggies!!!

Mumstrosity

2011-06-14T07:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I was honored to share a "Mumstrosity" regarding an important anniversary for me. Click here to visit "Happy Anniversary to Me" at Mumstrosity.

And in case you haven't heard of the blog "Mumstrosity", hop over immediately and read the stories. As Liz at Mumstrosity describes her site:

About

Welcome to Mumstrosity.com

Mumstrosity.com is based in Australia.

What is a Mumstrosity?

Mum·stros·i·ty

[Mum-stros-i-tee]

-noun , plural -ties

1. The state or character of being a monstrous mum.

2. An incident or act involving ones offspring that has resulted in a mother feeling bad or
experiencing ‘Mummy Guilt’

Mum·stros·i·ties

[Mum-stros-i-tees]

-plural

1. Collective name of several ‘Mumstrosity’ incidents.

eg. “On www.mumstrosity.com you can find a collection of ‘Mumstrosities’.”

Here you’ll find my blog, a collection of Mumstrosities and a few awesome giveaways .

We’re all human, and sometimes we just fuck things up. When your a mother, the likelihood of you fucking something up can be times by the number of children you have – in my case, x3.

You’d think the more children someone has, the better they would be at parenting. This is not the case; you see, the eldest child is always going to be a learning point, the second child you try to learn from the ‘mistakes’ you made the first time round, but things still don’t go smooth. By the time you get to number 3, or any surviving succeeding children thereafter you don’t know what the fuck to do and just let them run wild. or something.

I am, a Mumstrosity. Are you?

~Liz

About Liz

Liz is a twenty-something stay at home Mum of 3 who divides her time between drinking coffee, blogging, changing nappies and shopping. Probably in that order.
She began blogging in April 2010, started Mumstrosity.com in January 2011 and is also an admin at DigitalParents and Blogger’s Manifesto.

Inspirational

2011-06-13T06:58:00.013-05:00

On Saturday evening, my father in law surprised my mother in law with a vow renewal ceremony to celebrate their 35th Wedding Anniversary. All of the family was invited to sneak into a side room at their church after the service started. As the church-goers were leaving the chapel, my mother in law's sister and brother cornered her (much to her surprise) and had her put on her "vow-renewal-attire", then we were all re-seated in the pews and the vow renewal ceremony began. Mother in Law was absolutely shocked and had no clue Father in Law had been planning it for weeks. It was so very sweet and touching.

In order to help Husband's brother and sister in law, who are located in Texas, share in the special ceremony in Minnesota, they were skyped through a wireless connection and were then able to watch the entire ceremony and chat with the joyful couple afterwards.

In today's mixed up world, it's a really big deal to make it to 35 years of wedded bliss! I was so proud to share in their happy celebration! All my love to Gramma and Papa (as the wee ones call them) and we wish them at least another 35 years of awesome shared love.

Failure is Not an Option

2011-06-12T12:55:00.000-05:00

I recently shared the F My Life website, which is always good for an ironic, high-school kind of laugh. Well, I've now been referred to Epic Fail, another grand place to find a great laugh and after attending yesterday's funeral for my much too young cousin's (57-years old), I need a bit of cheering up.

Here are a few examples of Epic Fails!

WEE ONE WARNING!!!
Bad word in this 15 second video.

Submitted by Anon

Submitted by Angel S.

Submitted by Steve L.

Submitted by Jerry M. , Jami M.

Photo Friday: Week 23 - Party

2011-06-11T13:34:00.012-05:00

It's Photo Friday (a day late again!!!) Week 23's theme is "Party."

Party Without Adult Supervision.

Party Where the Adult Should Have Had Supervision Herself!

Party at Husband's Best Friend's Wedding.

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyones ideas of each weeks theme.

Burning Up

2011-06-08T13:41:00.010-05:00

In Minnesota we were lucky enough to break some truly awful weather records with soaring high temps on Monday and Tuesday. Monday it reached 97 with crazy humidity and then on Tuesday it was102 with air so thick you could cut it with a knife... none of that pansy-arse "dry heat". We were straight up living inside a baking oven.

So in an effort to remind myself why summer rocks (the absolute shortest season in Minnesota), below is a list of 100 things I love about summer. This list was put together by the bestest friend ever and it is not in any order -- just random thoughts.

1 - Green grass
2 - Smell of fresh cut grass
3 - Wading in the creek
4 - Grilling delish food outside
5 - Boating
6 - Swimming
7 - Fresh flowers
8 - Feeling the warm breeze float in through open windows
9 - Outdoor concerts
10 - Sand volleyball
11 - Bike riding
12 - Fishing
13 - Canoeing
14 - Warm sunshine on my skin
15 - Sounds of kids playing outside
16 - Socializing with friends and family on the deck
17 - Golfing
18 - Yard sales
19 - Playing with the hose
20 - State Fair (Minnesota has the BEST State Fair ever!)
21 - Baseball
22 - Bonfires
23 - Gardening
24 - Fireworks
25 - Festivals
26 - Wearing shorts and t-shirts
27 - Eating outside
28 - Car races
29 - Go-carting
30 - Walking around a lake
31 - Exploring and hiking
32 - Going Up North (You have to be Minnesotan to understand...)
33 - Driving with the windows down
34 - Eating fresh fruit and veggies
35 - Going out to eat on a patio
36 - Sounds of the birds chirping in the morning
37 - Home improvements projects (not top of the list)
38 - Blue skies
39 - Fresh air
40 - Jet skiing
41 - Classic car shows
42 - Cute chubby babies in onesies
43 - Puppies
44 - Farmer's Market
45 - Walking dogs
46 - Sunshine
47 - Good jokes
48 - Calling of loons from the lake
49 - Vacations
50 - Summer Block-buster Movies
51 - Washing the car
52 - Impromptu BBQs with Neighbors
53 - Dairy Queen
54 - New swing set
55 - Chalk art with the wee ones
56 - Picking flowers
57 - Gazing down on a beautiful view while sitting on a big mountain
58 - Daylight longer
59 - Spectacular sunsets
60 - Sounds of the waves crashing on a lake
61 - Smell of a lake or river
62 - Watching wind surfers glide across the water
63 - Building sandcastles
64 - Feeling the sand between my toes
65 - Dangling my feet off a dock and in the water
66 - Taking a nap outside
67 - Doing anything barefoot
68 - Rock climbing
69 - Playing outdoor games
70 - People watching
71 - Going to the zoo
72 - Street markets
73 - Balloons slowly floating away
74 - Weddings
75 - Birthday parties outside
76 - Soccer
77 - Crickets chirping in evening dusk
78 - Summer cocktails
79 - Road trips
80 - Heat (not so much, but it's better than hypothermia)
81 - Freckles!!!
82 - Morning dew
83 - Sounds of rain on the roof as you cuddle in bed with a good book
84 - Sandals
85 - Sound and feel of bouncing a basket ball (playing HORSE)
86 - Seeing clothes hanging outside on the line.
87 - Picnics
88 - Mini donuts
89 - Leaves on trees
90 - Fresh smell of mulch
91 - Sound of lawn mowers
92 - Air conditioning (!!!!!)
93 - More skin revealed
94 - Painted toe nails
95 - Cave exploring
96 - Drive-in movie theaters
97 - Beaches
98 - Mini golf
99 - Water park
100 - No winter boots! Or shoveling! Or falling on ice on your heiny!

Stand By Me with Grandpa Elliott

2011-06-07T05:27:00.004-05:00

Tuesday's Tunes are back. It's been forever since I've posted lyrics or music. Life has been so overwhelmingly busy, but enough excuses. I am absolutely in love with Grandpa Elliott's voice. I first heard him through a viral email/video. It is now my life's mission to meet the PHENOMENALLY talented and AWESOME voice behind Grandpa Elliott.

Little Princess Begins Soccer

2011-06-06T06:34:00.003-05:00

So my Little Princess began her soccer career yesterday and she was so darling that I could't resist posting pictures of her running, all flushed-faced, around her tiny soccer field. What a doll!!! She scored the first goal of the game (but they aren't keeping score, of course) and she hung in there the whole time. Go Princess!!!

Only Girl Left Standing

2011-06-05T22:34:00.000-05:00

Big E decided that despite the fact that the girls are supposed to switch to softball this year and be on single-gender teams, she was having NONE OF IT. My girl made me proud by declaring (with NO prompting from her feminist mom) that she positively would NOT switch to an all girl team. She stated that she has always played baseball and often been the only girl and she would keep with baseball this year -- despite the fact that we needed to sign her up in a special way as the ONLY GIRL in a boys-only league. Bestill my heart, I love that head-strong, spunky girl! GO BIG E!

They like her strong arm, so it looks like she will occupy 3rd base from now on. She's bummed that she isn't pitcher.
(Better pictures to follow as the season progresses and the weather gets better -- along with my photography skills.)

And Nobody Told Me

2011-06-04T19:03:00.001-05:00

As I was perusing blogs I enjoy, I stumbled across the most fantastic "About Me" section at AndNobodyToldMe.com. It spoke volumes to me and perfectly stated how I feel about my blog and being a mother. Swing by And Nobody Told Me...

"How many times have you found yourself listing all of the things nobody told you about motherhood?

No matter what your life, your child, your family or your day is like, the constant which unites all of us as mothers is that we try our best just to make everything work. Every morning, we wake up and juggle everything from the amazing high points to the stressful, gut-wrenching low points, to the pile of dishes and laundry.

All the while, we’re carving our way through the most ambiguous on-the-job-training in the world. Here at And Nobody Told Me… we’re making a space to share our experiences and compare notes.

There’s no special handshake, just the quiet understanding every mother has for another.

Motherhood is a secret society, you’re already a member."

Photo Friday: Week 22 - Looking In

2011-06-03T06:17:00.002-05:00

It's Photo Friday! Week 22's theme is "looking in." While we were playing on the big green chair (pictures linked here), Big E was peeking through the rock sculpture and I was able to catch the snapshot below. I love the clarity and way you are able to see her curious expression.

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyones ideas of each weeks theme.

Thank You, Soldiers & Veterans

2011-05-30T08:31:00.004-05:00

THE FINAL INSPECTION

The Soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, Soldier.

How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,

"No, Lord, I guess I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But I never took a penny,

That wasn't mine to keep.

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear.

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,

Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much.

And if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the saints had often trod.

As the Soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God.

"Step forward now, you Soldier,

You've borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell."

~ Author Unknown ~

Happy Anniversary to Me!

2011-05-29T05:18:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my one-year anniversary.

One year ago I made a poor decision. The decision resulted in many complications in the life of my loved ones, children, and friends. Unfortunately the consequences could have been fatal.

To celebrate life, today I choose to remember my unsuccessful decision from a year ago and honor how far I have come in my journey for balance and wellness.

(Photo: Larry Poncho Brown)

One Year Ago Today:
Many of us have been told, “Your problems aren’t that bad. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!” or, “If you only took 15 pills, you weren’t really serious.”

Unfortunately, I was serious.

I swallowed pills. LOTS OF PILLS. As I laid in bed, I began to reconsider my actions. The wee ones had stayed the night before at the in-laws and were still there. I stumbled downstairs and attempted to wake my sleeping husband. I said, "I think I made a bad decision." He was quite groggy and I wasn't sure if he heard me, so I shook his shoulder and said, "I may need to go to the doctor. I just swallowed a couple of pills."

Husband jumped up from the couch and went into serious panic mode. By this time I was feeling very light headed and tired. The room was spinning in pleasant circles and I was relaxed. I remember laying down on the couch and slurring, "You know what? I think it's going to be okay. I am just going to sleep for a while."

After that, my memory of the next 48 hours is sketchy at best. I have been told that Husband called my mom, who came over to our house. Since I was barely coherent, Husband carried me to my mom's car and stuffed me inside. Mom drove me to the hospital where I was whisked into the ER for evaluation.

I was committed to the "behavioral health ward" for observation and treatment. I have just returned home from the hospital and here begins the journey towards wellness...

Why did you want to take your own life?

This question is probably the hardest to answer. My problems at the time seemed insignificant, so I brushed them aside and hoped they would go away. I was in denial. I thought that by brushing the worries aside, instead of confronting them, I was somehow getting rid of them. But I was merely storing my problems in a little box in my brain -- and one day that little box become full and I guess it finally exploded.

Deep down, I don’t think I really wanted to take my own life. I wanted people to see that I had problems. I didn’t have the courage to simply put my hand up and say "I don't know what to do anymore."

I thought to myself: How can I possibly go up to a loved one and say, ‘I’ve got problems and I think I’m going to kill myself because of them’? I was embarrassed. I certainly didn’t want people saying that I had psychiatric problems.

At the threshold of suicide, I sought to understand the extreme limits of my ability and willingness to endure my emotional anguish and still remain alive.

There is "a realm of experience that is ruinous, where ceaseless pain suffocates the spirit and consumes the will to live". These were the moments when I began to consider the possibility of suicide. Faced with the crazy swirling of all the feelings, thoughts, and actions...

Suicide attempts cannot be understood by isolating any one moment in time that leads up to "the event". Instead I look at it and consider: What frightful clash of internal and external forces could cause a person to consider self-annihilation a feasible and reasonable option? What abandonment of hope could challenge my basic innate instincts toward self-preservation?

The story of suicide begins with the feeling of an unbridgeable sense of alienation, and a deep need to hide your pain. Withdrawal begins and then deepens -- gradually, almost imperceptibly. Eventually, the person who was once there is no longer present... she only goes through the motions of living. Hiding behind a facade, feeling isolated, and vulnerable to the urgings of suicidal thoughts. When left unchecked, the thoughts entice her to one fatal choice.

I am lucky that I survived that nearly fatal choice. My precious wee ones and loved ones did not need that fateful choice to be successful...

I now know they need me here. I think of all of the wonderfulness I would have missed had I exited the stage.

Photo Friday: Week 21 - Temptation

2011-05-28T18:00:00.001-05:00

It's Photo Friday -- a day late. This week's theme is "temptation". Now, this theme could be taken in a million different ways. I think everyone has their own weaknesses and addictions. My personal temptations include some things that aren't easy to photograph... the sound of my wee one's giggles, the smell of lilacs in spring, the taste of sun-ripened strawberries fresh off the vine. However, enough of my rambling. I feel like I lack creativity for the photo challenges recently.

Temptation On A Stick (all state fair food is awesome as long as it's on a stick!)

Temptation In A Bottle

Temptation To Live In the Past

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyones ideas of each weeks theme.

You Know You Are A Mom When...

2011-05-26T17:09:00.000-05:00

* you reach into your coat pocket, you pull out a Matchbox car, purple crayon, My Little Pony barrette, and used tissue before you fish out your car keys.

* the only writing utensil in your purse is a red Crayola marker.

* your spouse calls your purse your "five-day bag" because it's so massive and holds so many "I-may-need-this-someday" things.

* you only have Scooby Doo, VeggieTale, and Dora the Explorer bandaids.

* you where above stated, children bandaids to your professional place of employment.

* in a pinch, you are willing to wipe your wee ones snotty nose with your bare hand -- and you don't gag or even think twice about it.

* your idea of a relaxing Saturday morning includes grocery shopping without the wee ones.

* Perkins or Applebee's is considered a "fancy" restaurant.

* you consider it a major accomplishment to get out of the house in the morning with a clean shirt free of children's bodily fluids or latest meal.

And last but not least,

* you sing along to the VeggieTales CD in the mini-van AFTER you've already dropped off the wee ones.

Still Here

2011-05-21T13:05:00.002-05:00

So the world did NOT end today, as predicted by some apparently very wise scholars and obsessive fanatics. No offense intended but this did not surprise me. I guess I subscribe to the religion that believes the Bible clearly states that no one will know the exact time of Jesus' return and if that logic is true, no one will be able to predict the date of the end of the world.

With May 21, 2011 being predicted as the end of the world, or the beginning of the rapture, I had a fascinating conversation with my bestest friend, who does not happen to believe in Jesus, or the conventional concept of heaven, hades, rapture, satan, etc. She asked me: "If Jesus were to come back to Earth in human form, what would he look like?" It was a thought-provoking exchange that really got my imagination moving.

Would a present-day Jesus look like? A corporate executive in a power suit with his smart phone always in hand? A beatnik rejecting materialism and embracing subculture ideas? Maybe a hip-hop DJ with his blinged out 4-carat diamond stud earring? A retro-ish man seeking revolutionary change? Perhaps a Harley-Davidson motorcycle guy looking rough around the edges?

What would your Jesus look like if he were to return during our life time?

Photo Friday: Week 20 - Anger

2011-05-20T08:46:00.004-05:00

It's Photo Friday! Week 20's theme is "Anger". I couldn't resist sharing a great example of my son's un-necessary burst of energy. We were happily cooking dinner together and he wanted to tear the lettuce for salad. Unfortunately, something tipped him off and it resulted in him standing on the kitchen table, wailing at the top of his lungs and perhaps flinging a bit of lettuce around as I dove for my camera.

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyones ideas of each weeks theme.

Wacky Wednesday

2011-05-11T13:47:00.006-05:00

Growing up my very favoritest part of the newspaper, after the Sunday funnies, (because who doesn't love the funnies in full color!) was a column that was published every Wednesday and was called "News of the Weird". As you can imagine, the column was full of criminals who weren't quite intelligent enough to pull off their heist, idiots who apparently lacked common and sense and children who were trying to slowly kill their parents with their daring acts of craziness. I loved when the column would include little known and just straight up ODD facts. I have recently come across a few funky news stories or factual tid bits that I thought would be fun to share.

Not to be confused with high-brow literature... You will feel like you have lost a few brain cells after reading on, but hopefully you'll get a little belly laugh too.

The Undead Are Coming!
May is National Zombie Awareness Month. To help raise awareness, the Zombie Research Society is giving away one free copy of the children's book That’s Not Your Mommy each day of May. Apparently, "Mommy is a cautionary tale that teaches kids how to recognize a zombie outbreak in its earliest stage."

Breaking In or Out?
Chutzpah! Thieves usually pick out easy jobs, but occasionally they go bold -- for example, breaking into the prison at New Plymouth, New Zealand's North Island, in March (carrying off a large TV set).

Wisconsin Takes the Beer
Prevailing medical authority 20 years ago warned that few humans could survive blood-alcohol readings above .40 (percent), but in recent years, drivers have rather easily survived higher numbers (curiously, many from Wisconsin, such as the man in February in Madison, Wis., with a .559). (In 2007, an Oregon driver was found unconscious, but survived, with a .72 reading.) The plethora of high numbers might indicate mistaken medical teaching, or nonstandard machine measurements -- or an evolutionary hardiness in American drinkers.

Repo Man Meets Pastor
"I thought, 'Man, is this what Jesus would do?'" said Akron, Ohio, repo man Ken Falzini, after surviving a short, harrowing ride clinging to the hood of the Lexus he was trying to repossess from a local preacher in January.

Bishop Marc Neal of Akron's Jerusalem Missionary Baptist Church, later charged with felony assault, told a reporter he thought it "disrespectful" for Falzini to try to repossess a preacher's car during Sunday services. Falzini said Neal was "laughing" during parts of the drive, which allegedly included sharp zig-zagging at speeds around 50 miles per hour in an attempt to dislodge Falzini from the hood.

Clearing the Air
Some advocates thought the government of Malawi's proposed environmental control legislation sounded broad enough to criminalize flatulence. The justice minister said the section about "fouling the air" should cover extreme flatus, but the country's solicitor general insisted that only commercial air pollution was punishable. The bill was proposed in January.

Unpretty

2011-05-03T07:29:00.000-05:00

Tuesday's Tunes brings us an oldie but goodie with a TLC song from 1999. Love the lyrics and meaning of the song.

Unpretty
~ TLC

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today(yeah)

My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'

*Chorus*
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can by all the make-up that M.A.C. can make
But if you can't look inside you find out who I am too
Be in the posistion to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unprety too
Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein' stupid, I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe to get rid of you and then I'll get back to me (hey)

My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Me, I'm trippin'

Repeat chorus 2x

Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh(oh)
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh(oh)

Repeat Chorus 2x

2011-04-30T03:09:00.007-05:00

My baby sister absolutely adores the website F*** My Life. I find it quite amusing in a totally adolescent way. It definitely shows the irony of life on a daily basis. Some of my favorites FML moments I've read on the site include:

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something different and go to the park. There, we saw a mama duck lead her baby ducks to the pond only to be attacked and killed by two male ducks. FML

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

And my personal favorite recently...

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a facebook account for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

Photo Friday: Week 17 - Trees

2011-04-29T05:12:00.003-05:00

It's time for the next Photo Friday Project. This week's theme is "Trees". Now, that obviously seems like an easy enough topic and I must admit it was challenging to feel overly creative.

Trees represent so many different things to me. Think: Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden, the childhood escape of a Tree House, the beauty of Redwood Trees, or the awesome book The Education of Little Tree (which really was life changing to me).

So although the below pictures may not represent the above topics, they were the best I could do for now...

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyones ideas of each weeks theme.

Spring Feet Lament by Frantic Mommy

2011-04-28T20:44:00.000-05:00

From one Minnesota Mommy blogger to another!

I absolutely adored Frantic Mommy's post lamenting the way we, as Northerner's living in the freezing icy tundra, neglect our feet during the winter months and then have a wee bit of shock as we discover how offensive our feet have become -- and how much work it takes to get them back up to snuff for sandals. Please enjoy her HUMOROUS and all too true (!) depiction of my love-hate relationship with feet...

Spring Is Here. Time For My Spring Feet Lament

OK..well, I think it's Spring. As I type this, it's April 24th and I woke up to SNOW on the effing ground!

SNOW!

From my office, I can see the lake..and I also hear the seagulls bee-atchin and some pissed-off-sounding ducks.

Even they are saying WTF?

But the "effing snow" won't last long and I can get back to my recent issue at hand....my FEET.

Some people treat Spring as a time to clean and renew. I, like clockwork, bitch about my FEET.

Dear Feet,
Why, oh why, hast thou betrayed me? You were like a part of me..oh wait..you ARE a part of me and something is strangely amiss. I know I should not have ignored you those long winter months when you were jammed into socks, more socks, and big stinky snow boots. But you were well hidden and protected so as long as you kept me upright, I pretty much took you for granted.

Now, as warmer temps have finally started to show themselves, my thoughts have turned to Capri's, tank-tops, and sandals. And I've also noticed something very, very disturbing....

...you look like hell. AGAIN.

Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate your ability to navigate my fat tail from place to place, and you enable me to occasionally look stylish in shoes. BUT something drastic must have happened about 6 years ago. Somewhere around the seventh month of my last pregnancy. I have vague memories of your normal appearance, but now..well..you look like something that should be on the end of Bilbo Baggin's legs. Shrek has better looking tootsies than you, honey.

So I desperately try to repair the damaged done. But the skin on my heels look like a lizard's butt. And Gawd help me, what's up with the hairy toes?

That's one place I never thought I'd have to shave.

So I struggle, buff, scrub, lotion, and cajole my sad feets. I vow to "pretty you up" with new lovely shades of polish and swear I will not neglect you next Winter Boot Season.

But truth-be-told, if ugly was a chronic condition, you'd need an intervention. I will valiantly try to make you look better, but the reality is Dear Feet-O-Mine, putting nail polish on you is a little like putting lipstick on a pig.

It is, what it IS.

Love,
The Large Body Attached to You.

Side NOTE: Looks like another Tennis-Shoe-&-Loafer Summer for moi. *sigh*

A good foot is a terrible thing to waste.

* * * * *

I strongly encourage you to step over to Frantic Mommy's blog and show some love. She is so hysterical -- although I guess I am partial to fellow Minnesota Mommy Bloggers.

Tweet-less

2011-04-26T08:11:00.001-05:00

I often wonder how "out of the loop" I am because I don't tweet. I have no idea what Twitter is about. It's a foreign concept to me and it seems a bit pointless. Please don't offense to this. I am assuming if I truly understood Twitter than I would be gung-ho and go all bananas and tweet away...

It seems as if most awesome bloggers tweet and it's a great way to stay up to date and provide timely info to followers. However, I doubt that anything I have to say would be that crazily important that anyone in their right mind would want to know about it RIGHT NOW!

Perhaps my disconnect comes from the fact that I don't follow trendy anything. I could care less which celebrity was most recently seen cheating or what flavor ice cream Julia Roberts child is devouring or what color Dennis Rodman's dress currently is.

It's not that I don't think any of those topics are news worthy, but more often than not I feel so overwhelmed by the need to be on top of everything that I have to drop the ball somewhere and I guess the losers are pop culture and trends and celebrity gossip.

Or I could tell you the truth and admit that I'm so in love with talk public radio that I can't be bothered with the local evening news (don't care who shot who), pop radio (those lyrics are scary!), or how many wives Michael Jackson had (were they ever really consummated?).

You can't go wrong with "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me", the oddly informative new quiz, that makes me belly laugh each week! Or think "Splendid Table" with Lynne Rossetto Kasper who is a goddess for all the phenomenal things she creates in the kitchen -- things so far over my head, I often don't even know of all of the ingredients. Or "Speaking of Faith" (now called "Being") with Krista Tippett And then there are the mid-day talk shows with topics varying from the state budget (boring and frustrating, but a necessary evil?), education disparities between children, the civil wars in Syria and Tsnusia and Libya, how to plan your garden, Peggy Orenstein's great new novel "Cinderella Ate My Daughter"! The list goes on!

So now you know my dirty secret about being obsessed with talk public radio instead of tweeting about the darling (and not-so-darling) experiences with my wee ones...

Does that make me the oddest mommy on the block? What are your thoughts on Twitter? Please explain to me how it even works or is useful?

Happy Easter

2011-04-25T08:44:00.000-05:00

Our family had a truly blessed and lovely Easter yesterday. I am so very lucky to have such psychotic and loving sisters. They are my best friends. And then there is my mom! She totally rocks! I was so very excited to have this Easter with her. Since her recent scare with the impromptu heart surgery in early March, I count my blessing triple-fold with her. And let's not forget Husband and those DARLING wee children of mine!!!

SIGH!

I must repeat it again: I AM BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!

Photo Friday

2011-04-23T18:22:00.003-05:00

I've been meaning to begin participating in Trina's weekly Photo Friday link-up, but have somehow managed to not quite find the courage to share photos in a blog hop. Yet, I am so encouraged by Trina's awesome photos and her fab friends photos that I am compelled to participate.

Here is the original post where Trina explains the genesis of her Photo Friday Project.

I am joining the project in Week 16 and this week's theme is "Growth".

I choose the three photos below to represent my growth over the past year as I embrace learning how to cook new yummy dishes and taste even more delish, new foods than I could ever hope to master creating.

(Why, yes! Those are absolutely natural PURPLE potatoes -- and they taste phenomenal!)

Please hop on over to Trina's blog (click her button below) to see the other Photo Friday submissions. It's so fun to see everyones ideas of each weeks theme.

Trivial Thursday

2011-04-21T07:09:00.002-05:00

The fabulous-ness of answering a few (usually five) random questions each week is making a come-back. Feel free to grab the 5 questions and link back to me.

&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">lt;a border="0" <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">href="http://www.maximum-chaos.com/search/label/trivial" target="_blank">&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">lt;<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">img <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">src="http://farm6.static.<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">flickr.com/5163/5249841268_b376af1eb7_o.<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">png" />&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">lt;/a>

Do you think mustaches are sexy? That is challenging. I'm not a huge fan of mustaches, but Husband has a goatee that I really like on him. Then, there is the 5 o'clock shadow on some sexy movie stars, such as Ben Affleck (SIGH!!!) or George Clooney or Clive Owen...

What's the last concert you've been to? I'm thinking... It was probably Madeleine Peyroux. Love her! I hope to go to Jonny Lang in September. For the record, if Jonny Lang asks me to marry him, I may need to leave my husband.

What was your favorite 80's sitcom? I couldn't think of any 80's sitcoms off the top of my head, so I had to Google a list of them. I fondly remember watching some, but I'll have to say that Happy Days, Punky Brewster, Different Strokes, and Who's the Boss? were some of my very favorites.

Were you named after anyone? My mom's middle name is Ann, so I was named after her. The middle name "Louise" was a bonus. She liked the name and I hated it as a child. However, I didn't hate it enough to forget to pass it on to my eldest daughter as her middle name too.

When you buy new clothes, do you wash before wearing? Almost never! I know this will appall many of you, but it's my reality.

Creativity Flows with Mixbook

2011-04-15T07:50:00.000-05:00

I tend to be a bit slow when it comes to picking up on new trends -- whether they be fashion, electronics, music, etc. So, although this may not be exciting to you, it is SUPER-DE-DUPER exciting for me!

I have discovered...

MIXBOOK!

It is an awesome photo book service with an impressive website, full of customization options and special features. Mixbook boasts one of the most customizable online photo book services and you can create online albums completely FREE!

Can you say "AWESOME"?! Come on! Say it with me "Awwwweeesssoooome!"

As a traditional scrapbooker, I have been reluctant to try any type of digital scrapping. I love have the photographs in front of me. I adore working with the different textured papers, ribbons, buttons, embellishments. However, I think I will also enjoy learning to work with Mixbook's free online services too. I see it as another creative outlet. I'm dying to share some of my creations... Be warned, I am brand new at this, so I hope my creations improve vastly as I learn how to use Mixbook (and other online options) more efficiently.

| View Sample Photo Books | Create your own Photo Book

Apologies to You, Dearest Blog

2011-04-13T06:02:00.001-05:00

Dearest Blog:

I am full of excuses, but none of them are worth their weight. I have neglected you and pushed you to the side. My main excuse is that I have been so darn-blasted tired and busy, but alas, this is not okay behavior. One does not treat their prized friend (as only you can be considered, my dearest Blog) in such a manner.

But do not fret! I have thought of you often. You are always on my mind. Little moments that occur and I think, "Oh! I should share with with Blog." And then my distracted mind is taken in another direction...

My friends call it my "Squirrel" moments. (Have you seen the children's movie "Up" where the dog is in mid-conversation, but distracted by a random squirrel?)

Will you forgive me? Pretty please? I promise to try to behave and be a better friend and write more...

P.S. For your viewing enjoyment, please see the "squirrel" movie clip from Up.

Green and Furry

2011-04-04T16:26:00.007-05:00

Last night while watching the people movie version of "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" I had a very enlightening conversation with the wee ones. It goes something like this:

Little Man asks: "Mom, is the Grinch real?"

Me: "No, it's not real, but some people can act like the Grinch. I know a woman who doesn't like Christmas at all."

Little Man and Little Princess gasp loudly.

Little Man: "She's a real Grinch?" (he pauses furrowing his darling brow) "Is she furry like him?"

Me: "Well, um, no!"

Little Man inquires seriously: "Is she green?"

Me (shaking my head): "No, she's not green."

Little Princess pipes up, ever the voice of reason: "Then she definitely isn't a Grinch. Maybe she's just a hater?"

INSERT MY EYES POPPING OUT OF MY HEAD...

"A 'hater'?" I squeak. "Where did you learn that word?"

Princess smiles widely, "Word Girl!"

Now, I may be a bit out of touch with pop culture, but I am quite sure that PBS Kids did NOT teach my wee ones what a "hater" is. Hmmmm.... I may need to ban all electronic media.

I ended up just bursting out loud laughing as I said, "Okay! Everyone just finish watching the movie..."

April Fools Day

2011-04-01T17:49:00.000-05:00

Little Man's preschool has a tradition of an April Fool's Day Parade! They traipse all of the children, ages 1-5, around the neighborhood. The wee ones get to wear funny hats that they either make or find at home. They also get to carry a noise maker or instrument and are encouraged to make as much noise as possible! Then to make things really super-de-duper entertaining, each child got to carry a balloon!

Seriously, I ask you -- is there anything better than balloons?!?!?!

It was so darling!

All of these little people with funny hats, jingle bells and balloons beaming proud of themselves!

Happy Birthday, Molly!

2011-03-29T22:16:00.000-05:00

It's my baby sister's birthday today!

She is a whooping old 28. JUST TEASING! But apparently, she truly thinks that is old... She was quoted this evening as saying "It's all down hill once you hit 30." Personally, I was so very happy to leave my tumultuous 20's behind me.

So, I just want to give a quick shout out to my precious baby sister and tell everyone how much I adore her!

I Amaze Myseslf

2011-03-27T03:00:00.004-05:00

I've mentioned before that I may be a bit forgetful. I also have a helping hand with the assistance of my wee ones with misplacing objects. However, apparently, I cannot always blame it on them.

Hands, Part 2

2011-03-23T05:49:00.002-05:00

I always loved my Grandma’s hands. By the time I was old enough to remember and pay attention, they were all knobby and soft and veiny and full of arthritis.

Grandma was a typical Lutheran, stoic German woman, mother, wife. She was a hard worker who did not have the luxury of an easy life. She worked full-time as an accountant while raising five children (including a set of twin girls who were blind) with a husband who drove truck cross-country for a living and was only home on the weekends because of his job.

Grandma didn’t believe in idle hands. She loved to quilt and every summer had a huge garden full of veggies. Labor intensive hand activities.

After she retired, Grandma volunteered full time. Wherever there was a need within her church or community, she was there. She delivered “Meals on Wheels” five to seven days a week. She scrubbed dishes after funerals or baby showers or potlucks. She washed the church floors on her hands and knees and helped at her small town’s Senior Center – all at 70+ years old!

The last time I saw my Grandma, I was intensely focused on her hands. I knew it would most likely be the last time I saw her alive. She was fighting a losing battle with Alzheimer’s. Her glaucoma had long since rendered her nearly blind. She was no longer cognizant of who I was. Grandma appeared to be ready to move on to the next phase of her life.

That weekend, as I sat next to Grandma, she rarely opened her milky eyes and did not appear to respond much to our voices. But touch she responded to. If you stroked her forehead with a warm cloth, she would lean into your touch. If you rested your hand on her arm, she would calm and sigh. If you held her hands, she would stop worrying the edge of her comforter and hold still.

I wept silently and stared at Grandma’s hands, clinging to them, as I remembered all of the awesome things her hands taught me.

Pull weeds in her vegetable garden

Play cribbage

Deliver Meals on Wheels

Shake a hand with strength and authority

Scrub a floor on your hands and knees

Hug with integrity

Then with amazing strength, Grandma gently squeezed my hands – as if to comfort me, not the other way around, as I had originally intended. I looked up into Grandma’s face and clung tighter to her hands as I whispered, “I love you with all my heart.”
Grandma never opened her eyes, but she smiled as she squeezed my hands again. I was not ready for her to pass from this world and she was reassuring me that it would be okay.

Stylish Blogger Award!

2011-03-21T20:31:00.003-05:00

I am so honored! I have received another award from my friend at Ramblings of A Stay at Home Mom. Make sure to check her out! She's fabulous!

My task now is to:

Thank and link back to the person who awarded me this award.
Share seven things about myself.
Pay it forward by awarding fifteen great bloggers and contact these bloggers to tell them about the award!

Seven Things About Me:

1. I want to be a foster parent once my wee ones are a bit older and I hopefully have a slightly larger house to allow more room for a foster child or three.

2. I am an extreme liberal who ALWAYS votes!

3. I am a die-hard Glee follower.

4. I was engaged at the age 16 to my high school sweetheart, but we broke up right after graduation (a few months before the wedding!) and he is now gay. What does that say for me?

5. As a teenager, I was convinced I was going to be a famous, published author of an award-winning fiction novel before the age of 25. Hee, hee! Not so much...

6. I have never, ever shot a gun, nor even held a real gun. I won't allow my children to play with any type of guns, not even squirt guns.

7. I love reading fiction and use it as an escape! I have ever since I was a child.

Fifteen bloggers I awarded include.

(Some I know and others I just came across.)

The Mummy Chronicles

Gitzen Girl

Peaceful Divas

Sanity Sold Separately

The Drowning Machine

Let's Have A Cocktail

Random Thoughts of SUPERMOM

Harried Mom of Four

Seriously Shawn

Sacred & Profane

Adding Zest to Your Nest

Dandelion Wishes

Dorky Dad

Dreadlocks on the Roks

Rage Against the Minivan

If you were selected, copy the image above and pass it along!

Hands, Part 1

2011-03-21T06:46:00.007-05:00

I believe you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands.

Are their hands soft? Chapped? Rough and cracked? Calloused? Grease stained, highly manicured? Are their finger nails short, long, clean, chipped, chewed to the quick? Any nibbled on hangnails? Do their hands look strong? Feeble? Arthritic?

I’ve always had a fascination with hands. It’s one of the first things I notice upon meeting a new person. Some folks are “eye people” or “butt people”.

Me? I’m a “hand person”.

Think of all of the awesome – and sometimes horrific – things we do with our hands…

Just a few short weeks ago, a surgeon with his legions of support staff performed open heart surgery on my mom. With precision and extreme care, their hands delicately repaired a clogged artery and sew a new valve into her heart.

Just pause here for a moment.

Ponder the thought of the intricate details involved for the hands to ever so gently work inside a human chest to repair a living organ!

So what brought forth this bizarre train of thought?

It was the night before mom’s heart surgery. I lay in her hospital room, next to her bed, on a chair designed to be a make-shift bed. I was unable to sleep. My mind was meandering. I could hear mom’s slightly panting, labored breathing; the hiss of the hospital air mattress adjusting to mom’s movements as she struggled to get comfortable; one of many machines dinging as mom’s oxygen level dropped below acceptable levels once again…

I watched the nurse rush in to lay a calming hand on mom’s forehead. Later a visiting physician laid his hand on mom’s arm and offered her physical reassurance with her touch. Then my thoughts drifted to the surgeon’s hands that would be INSIDE my mother’s body in less than 12 hours.

I looked at my hands.

My hands. His hands.

Hands in general.

I thought, “What good are these hands? What damage have my hands inflicted? How can I do more good with these hands? To help my mom, sisters, Husband, children, family, friends, co-workers, unknown people?”

If I say that I believe in “Pay It Forward”, are my actions matching my words? What good works can my hands do to ease life for someone else?

What are your thoughts about the good works (or bad) that your hands can do or have done?

If I Ran Parent-Teacher Conferences

2011-03-20T06:13:00.000-05:00

Each fall and spring, parents across the country wait to be assigned some mutually inconvenient time for parent and teacher to meet regarding the academic progress for each child. Now I'm sure for the parents of the gifted & talented students, there is a certain joy of expectation. However, for those of us with phenomenally standard children (who we obviously think are genius'), conferences are not the social highlight of our already hectic calendars.

Honestly, I always have a certain "oy vey" feeling in my stomach as I head off to hear how my child enjoys talking in class -- a lot (no WAY?!) and needs to work to curb her friendly impulses. (REALLY? Wow! I hadn't noticed how impulsive she can be.) I will hear that Diva sometimes is a bit reluctant to transition from one task to another (GET OUT) and may, at times, simply close her book, push them to the side and have a good long day dream. That is the inevitable point at which I attempt to suppress what would be a very poorly-timed giggle and try to rein in my own attention.

I don't mean to diminish how teachers handle my children. I truly don't. But I want to hear something new. Since that would mean going to some other child's conference -- which I've heard is frowned upon, I think we need to rethink the way we have parents and teachers meet. How 'bout we just cut the silly tip-toeing around each other and cut to the heart of the matter. You would like, in no particular order, for me to enforce with my children that they need to:

1) Give homework at least a passing glance

2) Stop shouting out every answer, every time, every day

3) Keep their hands to themselves while waiting in the lunch line

4) Remember to bring home classroom newsletters, at least every so often

5) Chain the homework folder to their persons to ensure ready access when it counts, like say, when planning homework.

Alrighty then! We're good to go? All false pleasantries and stupid formalities being fully resolved, here's what I think we should be doing. We should be having wine. Yes, I know it's not allowed on school property, but maybe just this once we'll sort that out. What we have here are stilted interviews with parents wanting so badly to hear good news, while conditioned to one teacher after another telling them what the issues are. I'm not being negative. I'm simply being honest. As their mother, I think I am well aware that my wee ones are sometimes scatter-brained, talk a lot, and lose important stuff. No sense wasting tax payer time telling me again. The mood's all wrong. We need to work as partners! We need to... we need to TOAST!

The wrong mood all started back just a few weeks into the year when I was forced to attend "Back to School Night". I know you need to run down the budget crisis, the awesome standardized test score from last year and awe us with your enthusiasm for our wee ones. But as a parent of not one, not two, not three, but FOUR children, I'd say the bloom is off the rose. The novelty of sitting in their little desks is gone. The "fun" has passed. So draw us back in, with wine.

Trust me, if you uncork it - they will come. If I was allowed to run Back to School Nights, they would be open house style cocktail parties to kick off the year ahead, rather than stilted, marginally attended PowerPoint displays that the teachers clearly put a lot of work in to for no where near the parent showing that they should get.

If I ran Parent-Teacher Conferences, they would be very intimate little tête-à-têtes. We'd discuss test scores over brie. Perhaps some crostini would be shared as you encouraged me and I encouraged you. As these are small gatherings, more one on one, I'd suggest we serve by the glass. Those little airline bottles may be ideal. Ooooh I know! Set up a mini bar in the corner. While I cracked it open for some Famous Amos Chocolate Chip cookies that seem to invade all mini-bars, I'd grab a Chivas or two. By mini-bar rates that would be about $52. Doesn't seem so hard to raise the moolah to send the whole class to Washington DC now, does it? Think about it.

Dearest Educators: These are just my humble suggestions. I may submit this to the Superintendent. It's too late for this year, but maybe they could take some action for next year. I wish I had thought of this sooner...

Family Field Trip

2011-03-19T13:38:00.002-05:00

The wonderful amazing uniqueness of individual electronic equipment.

Family field trip. Driving “up north” to visit husband’s dad and then on to Duluth for a quick family stay-cation at an indoor water park.

Husband is listening to AC/DC’s “Dirty Deeds” or Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” on headphones, while I am using my laptop (without headphones, held up close to my ear!) to have K-Ci & Jojo belt out “Crazy” and “Tell Me It’s Real” between Prince’s “P*ssy Control”. The eldest daughter is listening to Taylor Swift on the rear minivan speakers and the wee ones, Little Princess and Little Man, are watching the movie “How to Train Your Dragon” on the teensy-tiny portable DVD player in the middle seats.

I’m doing my version of a hip hop chair dance in the passenger seat while Husband is sticking his tongue out like Kiss, banging his head and doing that rocker “hang loose” hand signal thingy. Big E is mortified in the back seat, attempting to pretend that she is too cool to be seen with us – which are extremely hilarious since we’re cruising down the freeway at almost 80 mph and there isn’t anyone around to make fun of us. Except perhaps the folks in the cars we pass… I suppose they could laugh at us, but I think they would consider us free entertainment. A break from the tedious, boring drive on a MN freeway with nothing to look at except dormant trees, dirty snow banks, and ice-covered bodies of water.

Besides, I consider the fact that I am able to easily embarrass my children as my God-given privilege for putting up with all of their whining, bickering, sassing.

Life is good. Go us!

One of Those Days

2011-03-18T17:57:00.001-05:00

So, it was one of THOSE days. I am unable to share the gory details but I will share the two humorous highlights of the day.

Stop touching me!

You’re dripping ice cream on me!

Wipe your face!

Ewww!

You got ice cream on me again!

Stop it! Stop it!

AHHHHHHH!!!

I look up in the rear view mirror just in time to see Little Man slap his ice cream cone onto Little Princess’ forehead and shout, “There! Now you have my ice cream on you!”

SIGH!

Suddenly I heard an odd, kind of hissy sound and a chemically smell burned the inside of my nostrils. Princess started yelling at that moment as I ran for the stairs.

“What is going on up here? What is that smell?!?!”

“AHHHH! Little Man! Stop spraying that! Stop! Right now! THIS INSTANT!!!” Little Princess launches herself into my arms as I reach the top of the stairs.

“But I pooped and it’s stinky.”

“Hello?! That’s not air freshener! It’s Lysol cleansing foam. Wait! Why’s Princess’ hair all wet?”

“I was helping her get clean,” Little Man announces proudly.

“Oh crap! All those chemicals on her skin and why is the floor wet too? The. Floor. Is. Soaking. Did you spray this every where?!?!?”

“Yep!” Little Man is sporting a massive smile…

WTH

Double sigh.

Just one of THOSE kinds of parenting days.

Hallelujah

2011-03-08T03:04:00.001-06:00

The most appropriate tune I could think of for this Tuesday, in light of all of the excitement of the last few weeks, is Amy Grant's "Better Than a Hallelujah". I used this song not so long ago, but it speaks to my soul and in these trying times, I cling to these comforts.

Better Than A Hallelujah
~ Amy Grant

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves the drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out, singing out.

Maximum Chaos Lives

2011-03-07T23:51:00.001-06:00

Hello Dearest Bloggy Friends.

It's been a while since my last post. Recently we have had much trauma and drama within our family. Or to put it delicately, we have managed to live up to the name of "Maximum Chaos"!

So let's chat a bit and catch up. Or rather, please allow me to vent and throw myself an itty-bitty pity party.

The Cliff Notes version are as follows:

Thursday, February 10: Husband's car goes into the mechanic for repairs. $1000 later he has almost an entirely new front end, including tires. UGH! We did not have $1000.

Thursday, February 17: Receive a frantic late night call from my Dad stating Grandma is not doing well. She's receiving hospice services in their home and they don't think she will make it through the weekend. Husband is leaving in two days for a week long business trip, so I jump in the car on Friday morning to drive the 3 to 3 1/2 hours up to Dad's and Grandma's to spend time with them. I cry a lot, hold my Grandma's hand, sing to her, prayer for her, help the hospice nurse and my Auntie take care of her, bathe her. I am only able to spend one night with her since Husband is flying out. I make the 3 hour long car ride home on Saturday with a heavy heart.

Sunday, February 20: At 6:30am, an intruder attempts to break into my house while I am home alone with 3 of the wee ones. (Remember Husband is traveling for work) An hour after the police remove the first fool from my front porch, three new thugs drive up to my house and, again, try to gain entrance. When they cannot get in, they take a sledge hammer (yes, I said SLEDGE HAMMER) to two of Husband's car windows. The police did not apprehend this set of freaks and Husband doesn't have glass coverage on his insurance so we're out almost $200.

To add salt to the wound, we promptly received 14-17 inches of snow, which I had to try to keep out of Husband's busted up car and single handedly shovel. (Full intruder story here.)

Wednesday, February 23: My last remaining grandparent, my paternal grandma, passed away after a valiant fight with an aggressively advancing bout of Alzheimer's. I am heart broken.

Saturday, February 26: Front porch screen door rips all of the way out of the frame and off the hinges. The door is completely ruined due to damage from said intruders. Another $100+ to get a new door. Add the cost to the expanding list of unexpected costs that have begun accruing.

Monday, February 28: I receive a call from my baby sister stating that she is picking Mom up at her clinic and plans to bring her to the Emergency Room, per the clinic's orders. A few minutes later, I receive a second call from sister, who is now distraught and nearly hyperventilating. Mom is having trouble breathing and is clutching her chest. Sister is calling an ambulance.

I am beside myself. Mom is my best friend. Is she having a heart attack? WTH is going on?! I call Husband and yell that he has to come home right away. I run across the street and pound on the neighbor's door like a crazed nut, I beg the neighbor to watch the wee ones until Husband gets home so I can leave for the hospital right away.

ER determines shortly that Mom has not had a heart attack and she doesn't have any blood clots. Other than that they are confused about what exactly is wrong. Her heart and lungs are not working as they should. Mom is admitted and subjected to every medical test known to mankind. I spend the night in the hospital.

Tuesday, March 1: No new news for Mom. Tons of tests but no conclusive results. Within the last 18 hours, Mom had been subjected to over 10 separate blood draws. She looks like a walking bruise.

Wednesday, March 2: Tons more tests but no news. Finally in later afternoon, the professionals decide Mom needs open heart surgery and they want her to do it as soon as possible. A slot for the next day opens up and it's scheduled. I spend the night at the hospital.

Thursday, March 3: The Day -- SURGERY! Open Heart... Cracking open Mom's sternum...

After spending the night, I have to leave the hospital at 6:30am because Husband has a vitally important meeting at work, so I need to get the wee ones to school, then race back to the hospital in time to see Mom in pre-op before the 4-7 hour surgery.

6:30am: Race home and arrive on time - check.
8:45am: Wee ones off on the school bus - check.
9:00am: Drive Little Man to preschool - check.
9:25am: Crash vehicle on the way back to hospital for Mom's surgery - CHECK!

Yep, as if my luck wasn't sucky enough recently, I managed to rear end a large, shiny, silver, new-ish Suburban with my old, dilapidated minivan. Air bags deployed (never experienced that before and hope I never have to again!!!) My vehicle was smashed to smithereens.

The kindly tow truck driver had mercy on my sobbing, inconsolable soul and actually gave me a ride to the hospital where my Mom's surgery was scheduled. The price tag you ask? Well, obviously it's PRICELESS that no one was injured in the accident. However, we did need to pay $177 to tow my trashed, inoperable vehicle.

I arrive at the hospital, Mom's surgery starts 2 1/2 hours late. My two sisters, two aunties and I wait with as much patience as saintly possible while Mom endures a five-hour long surgery to replace one heart valve and bypass one heart artery.

Success! Surgery went well and Mom is resting in ICU. We are finally allowed to see her around 8pm.

Friday, March 4-Sunday, March 6: Spending most of my time at the hospital with Mom. Mom has now been a patient at the hospital for seven days. The cost of $10-$15 a day to park is adding up quickly, but it is absolutely a tiny drop in the bucket compared to what I would pay or do to have my Mom be healthy and happy and around for a very long time.

Monday, March 7: Wee ones and I have our jackets and boots on. We're getting ready to go lead Big E's Girl Scout troop meeting. Suddenly Little Princess trips and smashes the corner of her forehead on her bedroom door. In the two seconds it took me to cross the room and grab her, blood has already covered half of her face. After much hullabaloo, Big E goes to the GS meeting with a neighbor; a fellow GS parent is stuck leading a meeting she never intended to lead; and I am in urgent care with Little Princess and Little Man, in which we endure a three hour wait before Princess ends up with 5 tiny stitches in her precious, beautiful forehead. (Not that I am keeping track, but just in case you are, the urgent care copay was $50. I wanted to take her to the emergency room at the local children's hospital, where I assumed with would give her less scar-inducing stitches, but was deterred by the $200 copay.)

So... I am left wondering what have I done to royally piss off the karma gods recently? I'm thinking this recent string of unpleasant events should hopefully get all of my families troubles for 2011 out of the way. RIGHT?!?!?

Sigh!

I really need a break from trauma and drama. Normally any one of these events would leave me feeling a bit raw emotionally, but after ALL of these events in less than one month - OY VEY! I think I'm tittering on the edge of insanity. (Not really, but I'm stressed!)

If you have any pull with the powers that be, please ask them to send me a rainbow or five.

Snowing Inside My House

2011-02-28T03:38:00.002-06:00

What do you do when it's really cold outside but there is a fresh snow fall of 14 inches?

You bring the snow inside, of course!

A great friend posted on her blog that she had brought buckets of snow inside for her children to play with. I thought it was a FABULOUS idea, so I followed suit and to color or bling things up a bit, I gave the children several bottles of cookie sprinkles. It was so fun!

Why Parenting is Like...

2011-02-26T19:25:00.000-06:00

I found this post from Let Me Start By Saying... so amusing that I had to share it with you. Have you ever felt like you could commiserate with parenting feeling similar to clubbing? Hee hee!

Why Parenting is Like Clubbing in NYC

By Kim at Let Me Start By Saying...

1. When you walk into a bathroom you find someone squatting over the toilet, peeing on the seat.

2. The dress code appears to be Clothing Optional.

3. Everyone around you is using only their Outdoor Voice.

4. It always ends up being way more expensive an experience than you thought.

5. You arrive well-dressed and optimistic. You end up a weary disheveled mess with unidentifiable scraps of paper in your pockets.

6. There’s a girl wearing smeared glittery eye shadow spilling drink down the front of her shirt each time she takes a sip.

7. You regret wearing a nice shirt the moment that wobbly glittery girl ends up spilling her drink on you, too.

8. Due to the overall noise level, you spend most of your time repeating yourself.

9. Your shoes stick to the floor.

10. You’re surrounded by sweaty, confused people who never stop moving.

11. People keep getting yelled at for dancing on the tables.

12. When someone corners you and won’t stop talking, you just nod and smile politely hoping he’ll eventually give up and go away.

13. By the end of the night you reek of booze and desperation.

14. You recall getting the stamp on your right hand, but not the other three on your left.

15. When paying for coffee, you accidentally pull yesterday’s underwear out of your bag, instead of the wad of cash you meant to grab.

I Am Hard to Handle

2011-02-25T05:14:00.010-06:00

Marilyn Monroe has the best quotes!!!

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

"Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world."

"Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?"

"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."

"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."

Courage, Character, Confidence!

2011-02-23T08:26:00.002-06:00

How do you sell Girl Scout cookies if you're stuck with 20-24 INCHES of snow? You simply put the cookies on a sled and pull it around the neighborhood. Go Girl Scouts!!! Our motto is Courage, Character, Confidence! And we intend to deliver...

You Are Perfect to Me

2011-02-22T05:12:00.004-06:00

WARNING! GRAPHIC MUSIC VIDEO.
Lyrics are clean (with offensive words removed).

I am not a fan of obscenities and I try not to use them on my blog, because Hey! Ya just never know who is reading it and if it happened to be a mommy with a child near them... I'm not going to responsible for offending our precious wee ones. However, I adore the message in this Pink song, "Fu*kin' Perfect".

Haven't we ALL struggled, at one point or another, with feeling less than stellar? Not up to par with everyone else's expectations -- or worse yet, not up to our OWN expectations of ourself?

Fu*kin' Perfect

~ Pink

Made a wrong turn, once or twice

Dug my way out, blood and fire

Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!

Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game

It's enough! I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear

The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer

So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere

They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel

Like you're nothing, you're f*cking perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect

Pretty please, if you ever feel like you're nothing

You are perfect to me....

Remember -- you are ALWAYS perfect to someone. You may not even know that special other person thinks the world of you, but you are PERFECT!

Intruders

2011-02-21T05:23:00.002-06:00

On Saturday evening, Husband flew out of town for a 7-8 day business trip. After the wee ones were in bed, I fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie.

Act One: At 6:30am the next morning I was awakened by the sound (and sight!) of a man rummaging around on my front porch. As I have experienced this before, I pounded on the front window and yelled at the intruder, "GO AWAY! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"

I was acting on impulse. I was angry and not yet fully awake. To my absolute surprise and terror, the intruder totally ignored me. He didn't flinch or glance my direction or even acknowledge that I'd just pounded very hard on the picture window and screamed at him. He just kept digging through the storage closet. I was officially freaked out. What was he on that he was so zoned out?

I ran across the living room and grabbed the cordless telephone. I started shaking so hard it took me three attempts to properly dial 9-1-1. The operator asked all sorts of questions as I cowered behind the front door, out of the line of sight of the front picture window that I had "bravely" pounded on a few minutes earlier and PRAYED OUT LOUD that my three wee ones would not wake up. Suddenly, the intruder began fiddling with the front door. The bottom door handle turned...

The door was bolted, but apparently I had not locked the bottom door handle. I became slightly crazed.

Me (whispered screeching): "He's trying to come in the front door! He's trying to get in to my house! I am home alone with 3 small children!!!"

9-1-1: Is the door locked?

Me: Yes! No! I mean it's bolted but the bottom lock isn't... (pause, silence... CRASH!)

Me: Oh my God. Help us! He's slamming his body against my door. Where are the police? How far away?! I'm home alone. I need help!!! (commence semi-hysterical crying)

9-1-1: Stay with me. It's okay. The door is locked. The police are on the way. Take a deep breath.

Me: What?! Okay, okay... OKAY! I'm calm!!!

9-1-1: What is he doing now? You're my eyes and ears. Can you see or hear anything?

Me: I don't want to go to the window to look. I can hear him but I can't see him. I'm still behind the front door.

9-1-1: That's okay. I'm here. The responding officer is almost there. Let me know when you see the squad pull up. I will stay on the phone until they arrive.

Me: Okay. (rapid breathing, pause for a few tense, eternally long minutes)

9-1-1: The officer should be pulling up right now. Check the window. Do not open the door. (Seriously?! You don't need to remind of what is on my porch. Cautiously creeping out from behind the front door towards the picture window)

Me: Okay. Wait! The idiot is curled up on the chest freezer in my porch. He's twitching... I see the officer getting out their car. Thank you! Thank you so much.

9-1-1: You're welcome. I'll hang up now.

As the office approaches my porch door, my face is anxiously peering at him as I wildly point to the intruder twitching on the chest freezer next to my front door.

A few dreadfully long minutes later, the officer came up to the door to talk to me. Apparently the intruder is a 19 years old man-boy who was drunker than a skunk. He thought he was “crashing at his cousin’s crib”. Oh! And it gets better... the officer informed me, before they arrived, the freak managed to vomit all over my porch.

The joy of it all! I had the honor of being terrified by a man trying to break into my house AND I have the privilege of cleaning up the scoundrel’s puke.

But wait! The best part is yet to come...

Act Two: Same morning. It's now about 8am when I hear a neighbor pounding on my front porch door and advising that I need to come out to see Husband's car. As if I needed more excitement, my neighbor shares with me what she and her husband just witnessed.

At about 8am, three young thugs drove up and parked in front of my house. Two passengers walked up to my porch (which was now locked) and pounded on the door. When they could not get on to the porch, they began walking around the outside of the house and tried to look into some windows. (I’m assuming the thugs were looking for the drunk because they possibly thought he lived here?)

When my second set of visitors could not get into the house, they took a sledge hammer to two of my husband's car windows before they peeled off. The neighbors who witnessed the events had been enjoying a morning cup of joe, when the car pulled up. The husband immediately went to get dressed and grab a coat to see if he could "assist" my visitors. Unfortunately, he didn't catch the thugs license plate before they broke the car windows.

The police think the two events are related to each other but not to my house. It all seems so random and ridiculously difficult to comprehend. We have lived in our house for just over 7 years.

I have no idea how we’re going to pay for the car windows. I wish the freaks would have broken my mini-vans windows – at least we have glass coverage on that vehicle, but no such luck with Husband's vehicle. ARGGHHH!

A very MASSIVE THANK YOU to my bestest friend and neighbor, CP, who graciously came over to the house after Act One and fed the children breakfast while I dealt with lots different visiting police officers. Another MASSIVE THANK YOU to neighbors M & S who came to my rescue by providing important info to the police about the thugs car and helped me clean up all of the broken car glass. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I really appreciate all of the awesome neighbors who make my neighborhood worth it!

Life is full of blessings. Thankfully the wee ones slept through Act One and were upstairs during Act Two so they were completely oblivious about the entire horrific events. As a reminder, it doesn't matter where you live, keep your doors locked and outside lights on.

P.S. After all the glass was cleaned up and all the police interviews finished, we promptly received over 14 inches of snow in under 24 hours, which left us with THIS!

Yes, I had to shovel most of it myself since Husband is traveling on business travel in sunny, gorgeously 70+ degree weather.

Some Day...

2011-02-18T22:25:00.000-06:00

Little Princess' tired brown eyes stare at me from my bedroom doorway. I heard her little feet patter up the stairs to my bedroom. She’s been put to bed thrice already, but there she is again. “Mom-ma, will you cuddle with me?”

Big E is cool in front of her friends, answering questions with a nod and inside jokes and noises, funny only to 10 or 11 year old girls. But she writes me a beautiful Valentine that is so full of love, it takes my breath away. She is half grown. As tall as me, hands the same size, but with much bigger feet. We share the same temper. And yet, she still stumbles into my room late at night, only two of us awake in the quiet, wanting me to hug her and be with her.

Little Man still tells me that I am his favorite "grill" (aka: girl!). He melts my heart with his dimpled smile and intense questions about why he is not allowed to marry his sister, Little Princess, when he grows up...

One day she may not ask to cuddle.

One day she may not write me a sweet valentine.

One day he may not want to marry his sister. (Which would actually be okay...)

Some day…

I will apologize for my sharp words.
I will chase my larger-than-life dreams.
I will be present mentally while my children jabber non-stop.

...May never come.

There will never be another TODAY!

This is it.

What will you do with it?

What will I do with it?

2011-02-16T10:48:00.001-06:00

Valentine Blessings

2011-02-14T08:25:00.002-06:00

Last night at 4:55pm my frantic plea for help:

Hello Dear Friends and Neighbors,

While I was out of town last night, it appears our cat, Olee, escaped from his beloved perch on our porch. Our family is absolutely heart sick with worry and miss him horribly. We haven’t seen him since early yesterday evening, at about 6pm on Saturday, February 12^th. Attached is a picture of our sweet boy. He is a black and white, tuxedo cat. He is super sweet, but weary of new people. He has front and back claws and thankfully is micro-chipped if he is picked up. He isn’t used to be outside and he doesn’t have a collar. If you see him, please call or email me immediately. If you know any neighbors, who I have missed sending this message to, please forward it to them.

My thankful second message at 8:39pm, a few hours later:

Crisis adverted. Carol Ann came to the rescue and found our soaking wet and sorrowful Olee this evening. Thank you, friends.

Ugh! I don't ever want to feel that sinking feeling in my stomach again when my wee ones are upset and missing their precious fur ball. Who frequently sleeps with me and I am utterly addicted to... UGH!!!