To Whom It May Concern

Dear Other Drivers on My Morning (or Afternoon) Route:

I realize you are trying to get your child to (or from) school... but so am I. And in doing so, we have to drive on residential streets where people (rudely) park on both sides - which means that one of us has to get over and make room for the other. And you know what, Other Drivers? It wouldn't kill you to be THAT polite and accommodating person once in a while.

Listen! Just because you're rolling in a Hummer the size of mother-effing Alaska does not mean you are automatically entitled to the right-of-way. Bigger does not equal more important, folks! You can pull over and wait just as easily as I can. And while we're on the subject: when you do insist on barging your way through a skinny little pathway with cars on either side, at least wait until I can pull over. I don't feel like grating along the side of a parked car just because you've got to power your big arse on through rightthissecond. And no, there's not enough room. It's too close for comfort. I'm in a Dodge Caravan minivan here, not a flippin' SmartCar.

As long as I’m on a roll -- one more thing, Other Drivers, when I do pull over and let you pass (which I seem to do 98.1% of the time, you pushy a-holes), at least give me a wave. A smile. A lift of the finger. Anything to acknowledge that you actually appreciate me sacrificing two seconds of my valuable time so that you can motor on uninterrupted. Would it hurt to show some appreciation, Other Drivers? No, it wouldn't. I'm not asking you to blow me kisses. Damn.

Please think about all this before I see you again tomorrow morning. Or your big stupid vehicle might just get sideswiped.  (Think of the scene from the movie Friend Green Tomatoes with Kathy Bates in the grocery store parking lot…)

Sincerely,

One Ticked-Off, Mini-Van Driving, Manic Mommy