Boulder Holder

I was fairly sure that I wouldn't blog about this episode, but I just decided I couldn't resist.  For those of you who are easily embarrassed, just click away RIGHT NOW!

You have been warned...

You know those bras you have that just don't fit right but you have no choice but to wear them because it's the only one that isn't in the bottom of the dirty clothes basket because Husband promised he would do all the laundry while you were busy at a million meetings on behalf of your children's PTA or Girl Scout Troop or anyway... and apparently, he neglected to do any of your laundry -- or any laundry at all... ?

*ahem*

Well, I had one of those on several weeks ago.  All morning it was rubbing me the wrong way and in all the wrong places.

I adjusted.

I pulled.

I shifted.

I itched!

Finally I left the office to go pick up my Little Man from preschool.  While waiting for the light to change at the intersection, I decided I had had enough.  I was ditching this boulder holder...

We've all done it... the amazing bra removal trick that doesn't require you to taking off your shirt. You know the one -- UNHOOK clasps in back, pull strap down through one arm sleeve, REACH THROUGH THE OTHER ARM HOLE and pull the bra out. VOILA!

SIGH!  Aaahhhhhhh! Instant relief.

Then, I look to the left to find an entire van full of construction workers watching me with big bright handy-man smiles... SWEET!

I rolled down the window and called out:

"That will be $10, you freaks!"

Last time I did the amazing bra trick and was caught, it was a car full of voyeuristic teenagers, male and female, in Mommy or Daddy's convertible Corvette. I simply looked at them said, "Yeah, your tits will sag this bad one day too. Good luck with that" and drove off.

Car Bike Thingy

Our fabulous neighbor, Carol, got this awesome car/bike thingy and thought the kids would enjoy it, so she passed it on to us. And, oh boy! Was fun had!!! The kids love to push each other up and down the block on it... it's strange and almost like a go-cart, but not exactly because it's human-powered, not gas/fuel powered.

The wee ones can't actually pedal on their own and need constant pushing to keep it moving. Oh well! They love it nonetheless.

Poop

Wow! Did today royally suck. There was NO grace in today. Let me share a few kernals of today's journey...

* Monday’s are usually incredibly hectic. True to form, today was no exception.

* It rained. Which in and of itself is not suck-worthy, we need the rain. However, I am sick of the cold and rain. Why was it gloriously beautiful in March and April in MN but so far May has been hideous?!

* Rainy days seem to bring out the worst in the wee ones. If I had a dime for each time I heard, “You’re so MEAN!!!”, I’d be a flippin’ millionaire.

* My nine-year old daughter had a stomach bug. She didn't quite make it to the bathroom and therefore had an accident in her pants. It was quite a poopy mess. And yes, it was disgusting. I had to suppress the gag reflex. I was NOT successful.

* I had to listen to no less than 3 sets of parents, separately, rip me a new one while they "shared their opinions" about how our Girl Scout troop is being run.

So please, I beg you, HELP ME find the GRACE in today. Because I’m really trying, and it’s just not showing itself. I need guidance.

Show me the way out of the poop and I’d be eternally grateful.

Quote of the Week

Last week I brought my precious nine-year old daughter to Husband's work to sell Girl Scout cookies. All was going relatively well. A group of husband's coworkers were gathered around chatting. Suddenly, out of the blue, my sweet, dimpled, smiling three-year old son felt the need to all-but-shout (and I quote!):

"Boys have butts and PENISES!
You know that?!"

Nice.

Real nice.

FAB-U-LOUS!

Erosion

I've been hearing a lot about the erosion of family in this country lately and how it's due to all the "changes" our nation has gone through in the last few decades. When this subject of erosion arises it is typically followed with the reasons being gay marriage, pro-choice or women working more.

I'm sorry but I fail to see how two men or women getting married, and possibly starting a family, could ever be deemed an erosion of any sort. If anything, the erosion is that we simply lack the selfless behavior and feelings of charity and goodwill towards other human beings who think differently than we do. I think, perhaps, we used to have more feelings of charity and goodwill towards other human beings. Our culture has gone so far to the "cult of individualism" that we can't see past our own nose on our faces. We are so busy filling our homes with items, that we want other people to see us having, that we have become too preoccupied with our own self. We fail to see or converse with the people who share space with us -- our families, friends, neighbors. We get wrapped up in petty fights and families break apart and siblings no longer talk. Years go by and that link is lost. More people are affected than just the two arguing but they don't see it.

Let me ask you this -- Raise your hand if you know and have befriended your neighbor. Have you been in their house? Do you even know their names? In many cities, we no longer even know our neighbors FIRST NAMES. We wouldn't know if our neighbor went missing because we don't pay enough attention to others around us. We are too busy with our own lives. Much too busy. Yet, I ask you -- are we truly THAT busy? I propose that it's really just about the distractions we allow to dominate our lives.

In other more cheesy words, "We've lost that loving feeling."

Last November, we vowed to ban together. Remember when we celebrated the awesomeness of our country electing our first African American president? Then things (economy, unemployment, housing market tanked...) got ever harder and things didn't magically (poof!) change overnight, like we are accustomed to. We all asked, why can't the changes needed to fix our nation be as fast as my food, mobile phone, internet?! Dang it! But I want them fixed now! MEH! As Americans we love to say things like, "Assimilate already. We are a melting pot!" or "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" or "These colors don't run!" or apple pie is American.
Well, I hate apple pie. Does that make me un-American? Does it make me un-American to support choice? That I have gay friends and family members who I support and love?


To me you become un-American when you start setting up dividing lines and spouting crap about what makes someone American or not. I know as a country we are all about choice and freedom of one's opinion but intolerance isn't freedom of one's opinion. It's simply hatred and fear in disguise.

Here's the thing, no matter what side we are on -- this country is broken. B-R-O-K-E-N. Broken.

We all need to stand up and admit it and admit to being part of the problem. We Americans love to talk. Look at all our pundits. Pundits don't solve problems, neither does arguing with those who already side with your own point of view. I want to scream, "It's not about you! It's about the greater good!" I know I'm an idealist, it's sweet isn't it?

We are only at the tipsiest tip of the start of this change but here we are. We as Americans must realize it will be a long, arduous battle and we can’t just give it lip service either. Our country is a work in progress that won't be fixed perfectly the first time around. It is one that doesn't get solved by simply arguing, but by opening our ears, minds and hearts to ALL people around us.

Reaching out, fostering relationships, coming together and working for change is American. Hating those who think differently, refusing to work and listen to the other side of the aisle and even calling them traitors to their country…?

Well, that sounds like the work of a terrorist if you ask me. Divide and conquer.

Amok

I don't know if you know this about me but I'm sort of attached to my phone. I pretty much always have it within arms reach. Even though most of the time no one is trying to get in touch with me it's exciting to know that at any moment someone could.

So you can imagine my distress when I woke up the other day to find that the phone that had been functioning perfectly when I went to bed was now ... not.

If my phone rang, I could answer it but not hear anything. The person calling could hear me; however, I didn't know that at first and that may have led to me swearing at my innocent mother as I tried to answer her call.

I took my phone in to the T-mobile store and I had to wait a good half hour just for my turn to seen. My three-year old son and four-year old daughter were running amok all over the store -- pulling all available phones off the display shelves, hitting up the other rowdy child in the store for some of his M&Ms, and terrorizing anyone who was within hearing range by arguing about who could sing their ABC's louder.

When it was my turn, the salesperson punched some stuff into his handy-dandy computer to bring up my account info. He told me that I was almost over on my minutes and had an overdue balance on my account and would I like to purchase a plan with more minutes or upgrade my services? I asked him if any of that was the cause of my phone not working. When he said it wasn't the cause of my issues, I politely asked him if we could please focus on the issue at hand then.

I was promptly given a nasty glare by the young man behind the counter that told me in no uncertain terms with his one piercing look that I was being rude. BUT COME ON!!! Was that really the best time to try and up-sell me a different plan?! What's that you say? I should get even more minutes that I won't be able to use on my broken phone? Sign me up!

Kids still running amok...

In conclusion, my phone is broken beyond repair and now I need to purchase ANOTHER new phone. UGH!!!

If you try to call me in the next week or so (THANKS T-MOBILE!), don't be offended if I pick up the phone and swear at you or hang up on you. It's not me. It's this stupid phone that I paid way too much for foolishly thinking that it would not break for no reason at all after only six months.

John Hancock

I love the creativity of children. They use everything as a canvas for their art work... include their own -- OR THEIR SIBLINGS -- bodies. See Exhibit A above.

My personal favorite includes when the artists signs their name, backwards (!), on their brother's back, but then blame it on their younger sister who can't read or write yet.

See Exhibit B below.

Too funny!

What are you going to do besides run for the camera to document the mayhem?!

It's that or search for the Valium.

Unamused!

When I woke up yesterday morning THIS is what I saw outside my window...
To say the least, I was highly UNamused. Yes, I am aware that I live in MN and I am very aware that it snows in MN. However, it was only October 10th. The kids were beside themselves with exuberant energy and excitement.

I had not planned on digging out their snow boots and snow pants and gloves and hats and all that other cold weather JUNK yet.

I haven't even had a chance to bring the kids to the multitudes of fall activities that I LIVE to photograph!!! We haven't made it to a single apple orchard or jumped in raked up leaves or drove to the fall harvest festival at the farm in Litchfield. Jeepers!

I am seriously peeved here, People! I want to know where to file my complaint with Mother Nature. I am telling you! That lady is going to hear from me...

I'm Baaaaaack!

Well then! It has been forever since I have blogged on a regular basis. Lots to catch you up on and tons of things I want to get on my soap box about!

Let's begin with the public outrage that President Obama allegedly approved, and more importantly whole-heartedly endorsed, the USPS's decision to issue a new 42-cent postal stamp to celebrate the Muslim holiday, Eid. There appears to be an outcry that by having a stamp celebrating a Muslim holiday, we, as American citizens, are somehow unpatriotic, choosing to thumb our noses at the memory of September 11th, and thereby are choosing to support all religious zealots who consequently must be Muslim. Right?

Seriously, people?! How can we be so small minded?

I do not follow how the government releasing a Muslim-themed holiday stamp leads to anyone who purchases the stamps to be classified as unpatroic and therefore choosing to spit on the memory of September 11th.

I have received no fewer than three emails this week imploring and instructing me to boycott the Eid stamp because all Muslims are evil fanatics. I find these emails to be vile, close-minded, infantile reminders of how egocentric our culture is. Their messages of intolerance churn my stomach and make my heart ache for the stupidity of a few, un-informed souls who now have access to the grand world wide web and can attempt to poison others through their email blasts. (Much like I am attempting to do by complaining in this blog, eh?)

Let's see what history can teach us. Who remembers what year we elected our first Roman Catholic President?

1961!

And for the record, that would be approximately 185 YEARS after our nation's birth.

Our Bill of Rights clearly states:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Remind me why Catholicism (which I don't personally follow) was deemed so full of deviant characters that our nation had reservations about a Catholic man's qualifications to hold the highest elected office of our grand country? For 185 years?

I had many other fantastic examples of our nation's historical stupidity (women rights movement, slavery, civil rights movement, Japanese internment camps...) but I have decided not to waste my breath -- or rather typing energies to combat imbeciles. I just don't have the time or energy

Before & After

Oh dear! It's every mother's worst fear!
The SCISSORS! Yes, you know where this is going... don't you?!

Our precious little four year old cut her own hair. She had gorgeous, long locks of beautiful brown hair. Very soft and thick and slightly curly. Unfortunately, H thought she would assist her hair by cutting it -- and not only trimming a bit off the side, but splicing her bangs really close to her forehead, in a very efficient manner. Needless to say, she needed a professionals assistance and ended up with much shorter hair.

Oh well! It's only hair and it grows, right?

We had a similar, but less drastic, experience with E when she was about the same age as H. And honestly, I must say I am truly shocked that G hasn't cut her hair yet. It's only a matter of time.

BEFORE

AFTER

Guitar Hero

As promised... pictures of the family pretending to be undercover rock stars. I think their father is TAINTING them!

Insurance

In the mean time, the office visit and hospital co-pays are truly KILLING us! I am choosing to look on the bright side... at least we have insurance! Thank GOD we didn't have to foot the entire bill and we only have to decide how to scrap together enough to cover HUNDREDS of dollars in co-pays. Believe me -- I realize how lucky we are but it's a steep, unexpected cost in a crappy economy.

Not Home For Long?

Earlier this week...

Monday: More thankfully, my sweet little boy, D, was able to come home from the hospital on Monday night after they tanked him up with lots of IV fluids. We were so excited because he hadn't had any more hurling or "butt episodes" in almost a day.

Tuesday: D has three bad (and I mean BAD) diapers and wakes up after nap with a dry diaper. I begin worrying. I call the clinic on Tues afternoon. Hello?! They promised to call me back and they didn't. He was still producing tears and spit, so I figured he wasn't totally gone.

Wednesday (Christmas Eve Day): He woke up with a dry diaper in the morning. NOT GOOD. I am not okay with this. Immediately I am on the phone with the clinic. Should I bring him to the clinic? Should I bring him back to the ER?

Totally Selfish Side Thought: I am a bit concerned that I am hosting a Christmas Eve Brunch for the in laws in less than an hour, and that doesn't include the Christmas Eve Dinner I am hosting later that afternoon for 14 people -- both at my house. I have been sicker than ever, the house is a disaster because when I am with the kids I have been letting them do whatever they want, as long as it doesn't include touching, talking, or looking at me!

Merry Christmas Eve! Fabulous (and very patient!) in laws come for brunch. We are all trying everything we can think of to try to get D to drink, but he is having none of it. Brunch happens; I clean up; I bundle D up and whisk him off to the ER.

The ER doesn't mess around. They decide to pull labs and insert an IV right away.

The IV insertion this time was UGLY!!! D had to be stuck at least 7 times in three different spots and two different limbs. He was screaming and yelling and wailed, "Save me, Mommy!"

Already then! To all you moms out there -- what do you do when you want to protect your wee one but cannot stop the pain because it's necessary? Cry, right? You're supposed to say you cry.

So, the IV is in and they decide to do a stomach/chest x-ray to make sure there were no blockages. Again, this experience did not go well. D was fed up and kept yelling, "All done! Go home." Every chance he got, he was on the floor and running for the nearest door. My poor little heart was in tatters. He even told me I was being naughty when I had to assist the nurse to hold him down for his x-rays.

Results: X-rays turn out fine and show no blockages. Labs come back much better than expected (translation: he's not as dehydrated as we feared.) So the doctors decided that after a few hours of IV fluids, D was able to come home and celebrate Christmas Eve with the whole family.

Christmas blessing and miracle!!!

We arrived home in time to finish help cooking dinner. Actually my mom and sisters were so beyond awesome that I barely had to life a finger! My Mom bought disposable plates and cups. Because the kids or I had been so sick for the past few weeks, Mom also did all of the holiday grocery shopping. Mom did tons of clean up and every time I tried to help, she shooed me away and my sisters stepped in.

I am filled with gratitude this holiday season. Gratitude for mine and my family's usual good health. Gratitude for our phenomenal family support. Gratitude for health insurance.

Christmas Miracle

You know what? We are so very blessed!!! I have the very best family ever.

It has been a very challenging past two weeks. Everyone has been ill at our house. Last week G came down with pneumonia. She didn't have to be hospitalized, but was very miserable. Then, poor little, two year old D enjoyed TWO visits to Children's Hospital within the past 5 days (including being admitted overnight) for a hideous case of the flu.

He was spewing out of both ends for over FIVE DAYS -- including every 30 minutes for the first 48 hours straight. So, Sunday morning we headed to Urgent Care . . . who then sent us promptly to the Emergency Room. (While at UC, we discovered D had lost at least TWO POUNDS in less than 3 days. )

So to make a long drawn out story, a teensy bit shorter: D and I arrive at the ER while C stayed home with E, H and G. The ER team hooked D up to an IV for immediate fluids. He was so limp and tired that he barely flinched when they inserted the IV! He fell asleep in my arms in the hospital bed. Suddenly, I began not feeling so well, so I gently extracted myself from him and as quick as you can blink, I was overtaken with dry heaves in the hospital room sink for SEVERAL minutes. Luckily, my sweet boy slept thru the awful ruckus I was making. In the mean time, a nurse comes in to check on D and finds me grasping onto the sink as if I would pass out at any second -- which I was quite sure I was going to do. Beautiful sight, I know!

Nurse helps me into a chair and asks what they can do for me. I gasp, "Call my husband." Fast forward 45 minutes, my Husband walks into the hospital room and hands me my keys to drive home.

Yeah... not gonna happen. I couldn't sit up straight long enough to walk to the other side of the room, more less drive?! My in laws (bless their hearts!!!) drove H home to her mom's and took G over night while my sister came to pick me up and drive me home. C stayed the night in the hospital with D while my precious E played nursemaid to me while I hurled all night. UGH!

I was in bed sicker than a dog until Tuesday night -- seriously contemplating whether I was going to die. Thankfully, I am still alive.

Much more thankfully, D only had to spend one night in the hospital with C. They plugged him full of IV fluids and sugar stuff and other great vitamin or mineral things. Monday evening he came home and my heart nearly burst with sheer jubilation. I have never been away from the children when they are that sick. I am always the one to take them to the doctor or hospital. It was hard to be separated!

Challenging

When you are really having a "challenging" day with your children, do you ever just give in to their senseless demands? No? Never? Come on! Not even once in a blue moon?! I don't believe you...

I think that is what makes me an awful parent. I do give in -- for my own sanity and peace of mind. I just gave Daniel PUFF CORN for breakfast... It has the word corn in it, so according to Junie B. Jones it has to be somewhat healthy! Hello?!

Lazy Parents 'R' Us

C and I were unable to muster enough energy to chase the children up and down the block on their scooters, trikes, and bicycles, so we did the next best thing.

Racing laps around the kitchen.

You dare ask if I AM SERIOUS?!?! You betcha. It was a blast.

A word of caution to the wise - the only reason it worked was because E was not home to add to constant crashing we had going on.

Think two year old version of an indoor demolition derby, complete with head gear. Safety is always a top priority around here.