Regis SUCKS

You know, I just cannot stand awful incidents of misogynist behavior.  It makes my stomach lurch and feel as if I will hurl at any moment.  I came across this posting at The Daily Femme.  UGH!  Read on...


Regis Philbin smacks Nicki Minaj’s behind and tells her he ‘wishes’ he could ‘get hard’ and a majority of viewers find it ‘funny’

So I’ve never been a big “Regis and Kathy Lee” fan…which is probably obvious since I am still calling it “Regis and Kathy Lee” even though Kelly Ripa became the new co-host years ago, but this Monday, I felt really good knowing that I’ve never wasted my time watching this particular talk show when Regis Philbin grabbed Nicky Minaj’s behind after her performance on their show (see video below). This was right after he mentioned how much he loved the way she dresses while checking out her hemline and then saying, “it looks like you have a little strap around you there, you know what I mean?”

To add insult to injury, after Nicki Minaj said that she received the advice “Go hard” in the music industry, Regis responded with: “Go hard? Wish I could!” How clever.

Oh Regis, perhaps it’s time to call it quits eh? And since it seems that you’ve never left the 1950s, here is a tip: grabbing women’s bodies in front of millions of viewers and spouting out come on jokes is not only sleazy, it also won’t win you more audience among daytime TV watchers. Or will it? Apparently according to a poll on The Huffington Post, over 55% percent of those watching the show said that not only did they feel Regis was not behaving inappropriately, they also thought that “it’s no big deal, he was just being funny.”

And there we have it people. We might not be in the days of Mad Men but we still live in a world where an old nasty man smacking a young women in public is ‘funny.’ I don’t know which is worse, the action itself or the fact that people still see it as “no big deal,” although reading some of the comments which echo the old “she was asking for it” schpeel  was rather hard to take. When people say that because Nicky Minaj dresses in a provocative manner or ‘acts whorish’ she therefore deserves to be groped is not only slut shaming 101, it also condones such offensive behavior on a larger scale. So ladies, next time you decide to wear that short skirt or dance in a wee too sexy way in a club, expect your ass to be up for grabs by any man young or old because hey, it’s cool on TV so why not! This type of behavior happens too often on television for example when Isaac Mizrahi grabbed Scarlett Johansson’s breast at the Golden Globes or Richard Gere grabbed and kissed Indian actress Shilpa Shetty during an AIDS awareness program. Both of these events lead to outrage, protest and apologies; I can only hope that Regis keeps being called on his outrageous behavior until he too apologizes and learns to spell the word RESPECT.

BFF

Dear Jennifer Aniston:

I need to be your best friend. 

I know, I don't even have half of a quarter of your $80 million net wealth and our finicky friendship would mostly rely on either A) you sitting at my house that is probably the size of a small bathroom in one of your many California mansions or B) me freeloading off you for fun, organic lunches in which we pretend to eat but do not actually consume calories, or elaborate and sumptuous dinners at the hottest restaurants, or nights out on the town at the swankiest hot-spots, or funky family “va-cays”…

But I swear I have a lot to offer! I can recite to you every.single.line you ever said in all 10 seasons of Friends. I can tell you fun little facts that you don't even remember about Rachel, like she wore Chanel 5, her middle name is Karen, she has 2 sisters and her dad is a doctor.

I can even overlook the fact that you smoke – which is pretty big of me because I would still be your most awesome friend and, usually, I pretty much refuse to even shake hands with people who are smokers, for fear that by merely touching them, I will contract cancer cells that will fly straight to my lungs & kill me on the spot. 

Go ahead and invite Courtney over too! But I will warn you that whatever friendship you have with her will be long gone once you realize just how wonderful I am! We are destined to be friends.  It’s so very true.  The voices in my head even confirmed these thoughts.

Oh, please Jennifer Aniston!  Please, please, prettttttyyyy pleeeaaase Jennifer Anniston! I swear if we are best friends I will not call you by your first and last name as so many psychotic fantabulous fans do. I will act completely normal, I PROMISE! Well, okay, as normal I can act.

Just think about it! Okay?!

Your crazy, insane, should be institutionalized BFF,

Me

And no, I don't have this picture framed, on my bedside table…

Caution: HOT TO THE TOUCH!

Okay, I admit it! I was very excited. Psychotically, overwhelmingly-so, ready to crawl out of my skin excited!!! For what you asked... to see the new Twilight movie, New Moon! It came out on Friday, November 20th and I was very tempted to go right away -- the very first night. However, it just didn't work for our schedule and I wasn't sure if I could stomach the crazy teeny-bopper girls shrieking.

I held my wild-horses and waited patiently to see the movie until Sunday. Sunday morning. Bright and early. 10:00am!

So, what did I think of the movie? You're just dying to know and hear another Twilight freak rant and rave about how awesome the movies are. Right?

Unfortunately, I can do no such thing. The second Twilight movie took more liberties with the plot and story line and strayed further from the book than the first movie. Plus with all of the werewolf "phasing" and vampire / Volturi examples of extreme strength -- WAY CHEESY! There is no way to do that with special effects and do it any justice. And to be completely honest, the acting was down-right awful. Really hideously awful!!! Yet...

SIGH!!! Big, BIG SIGH!

I am ashamed to admit that I still enjoyed the movie. Mind you, I didn't enjoy it as much as the first one, but it was still entertaining. But, (there's always a BUT, right?) I am definitely NOT dying to see New Moon again.

I would seriously recommend waiting to see it until you can rent it.

However, I have a confession. I am all about *Team Jacob*. Forget that funky looking, make-up induced pale thing that Edward supposedly has going for him. The actor who plays Edward isn't even cute! Yet on the other hand, how can you not ADORE Taylor Lautner? Despite the fact that he is just a wee baby and definitely too young.

He is downright HOT!

Did I mention that I think he's HOT?

Talented

Say what you will, but I am really sad that Michael Jackson is dead. I think I am in shock and don't really believe it. It seems surreal. And for the record, I feel bad for Farrah Fawcett that she totally got shortchanged because they both died the same day.

As a child of the 80s, Michael Jackson was huge in my life. (Who didn't drive around town with one of his zillion top 10 hits blaring from their parents car radio?) When I've brought up Michael Jackson's untimely death to several people though, I have found them mostly unsympathetic. One even commented, "One less pedophile in the world is a good thing."

I have no idea if Michael Jackson was a pedophile or not. I saw news coverage of people who accused him of things, bizzare behavior at his trial, his strangely changing appearance. No doubt about it--he was one weird dude.

But really it all just makes me sad because he had such a bizzare life from the get go.

Obviously, I really only know what the media feeds us, but it's not like he had a normal upbringing or family, and he was pretty much a prisoner of his own fame.

So I'm sitting here watching a Michael Jackson retrospective and feeling nostalgic. Hilariously, I'm seeing many of these videos for the first time. We didn't have cable growing up so the only time I ever saw music videos was when I babysat for a family who did have MTV. As soon as the kids were in bed I used to sit for hours watching videos (because that was back in the day when MTV actually showed music videos!)

Watching the videos, either for the first time or the 50th time, and listening to his music like I haven't in years, I'm reminded of his huge talent and musical genius. And it makes me sad for him and his family. And for me because frankly, a little of my youth died last Thursday, too.

Judgemental

I think I know what hades may be like... It's like having insomnia and only being able to watch reality TV.

Okay - I'm sure hades will be much worse than that.

A few weeks ago my insomnia was acting up so I started channel surfing. Not a good plan, (sigh) but that's what I did and I ended up watching The Real Housewives of Orange County. It was hellish ... if not hell itself.

Anyone ever see this?

Who the halibut are these people and why on God’s green earth would they put their lives on a TV show? Especially their children's lives?! It was an absolutely horrid show. I decided right then and there that this is what happens to people with insomnia -- they end up watching garbage in the middle of the night. That's when I decided no more insomnia for me.

Err .... Ummm. Yeah.

So my insomnia returned again this week and I found myself channel surfing ... and I watched it again! Damn it! I'm sure my subconscious is either playing tricks with me or is a closet voyeur. Yes - I get the psychology behind that statement. Shut up.

I'm an idiot, I know.

But these women on the show are awful! Just awful!

I judge, I know.

All the women are pretty much the same. It's all about their looks, long legs, big boobs, using men for their money. Awful stuff! I'm so far from that type of woman I don't even recognize them as the same species.

It's surprising to me that these women then watch the show and don't see anything wrong with themselves or their lives. It's shocking! And no! I'm not jealous of these women - I suppose if I wanted to be like that I could (all short legged, five foot nothing, red haired, lumpy body me) but why would I want to be like that? Their behavior and attitudes are hideous! So shallow. And seriously, what will become of their offspring?!

Anyway, that's it. I'm not watching again. I hope. No really, I'm not. Well, I probably won't. I mean if I wake up and can't get back to sleep or something maybe I'll turn the TV on. But no! That's it. No more. I'm serious!

Major League News

Alex Rodriguez took steriods?! WHAT?!?!?!??

Why is everyone acting so surprised?

Next, they'll announce that bears poop in the woods.

BIG NEWS, FOLKS.

So, A-Rod is willing to broil his liver and play Russian roulette with his health. He's a dummy. He deserves to be publicly humiliated, but he won't be. Not for long anyway. He's made the "watered down" apology, and this will be "news" for 10 minutes, then it will all settle down. Major League "brass" will act shocked for the cameras, but truly, they don't care. Not really. As long as they're selling tickets and filling up the stands, they are MORE than willing to turn a blind eye. Major League Baseball LONG AGO quit being about a simple athletic game.... it's now about the almighty dollar... marketing, advertising, etc. All about the Benjamins.

So sad, isn't it?

The ballplayers from 100 years ago who played for the love of the game (and held down "real" jobs, since they couldn't support themselves playing baseball) are no doubt turning over in their graves....

Do Not Do This At Home

So... Jessica Simpson has been very busy of late: (a) she's been romancing Tony Romo, which has probably been fun, (b) she performed at a chili cook-off a few weeks ago (...I know. I feel kind of depressed now, too), and (c) she very kindly TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM and illustrated for us that high-waisted jeans are really not flattering on everyone. Especially not these:

The way I see it, these jeans might look great on you if you have not a single curve on your body, are almost six feet tall and weigh less than 95 pounds dripping wet. On the rest of the free world, these awful things just emphasize Inner-Thighs-Through-Belly-Including-Hips-Flubber, which is not something I look for in my hottest pair of jeans. How about you? I mean, if you just mentally move the waist band of these jeans down about two inches, girlfriend looks 100% better. Right? Am I right?

Licensure to be a Parent?

I have no idea if this story is true, but if it is, I no longer hold Britney or Jamie Lynn responsible for any of their actions because they just weren’t taught any better.

The latest gossip from Star Magazine has to do with Jamie Lynn Spears noticing she was putting on some weight and begging her mother for liposuction. Her mother not only approved it, but signed all kinds of forms saying that it was OK to perform this procedure on her underage daughter.

All of this supposedly happened when Jamie Lynn was pregnant and didn’t know it.

So, if she’s not pregnant enough to realize that she’s pregnant, she’s probably only a few months along, right? And how much weight could she have possibly gained? AND, even if she gained 10 – or even 20 – pounds WHO JUMPS RIGHT TO LIPOSUCTION?

When your underage daughter comes to you and says “Mom, I’ve gained, like, ten pounds and I really really really want liposuction. Pleeeeeeeease!” how about just telling her to go run around the block? How about seeing a dietitian? How about anything else?

I have reached the conclusion that there should be a questionnaire for the parents of child actors/singers/dancers. If the parents answer yes to three or more of the questions the child will not be allowed to pursue stardom, no matter how talented they are. (I may run for office with this as my platform, I just need to find the time.)

1. Do you still blame your parents for not letting you pursue your dream of becoming a singer/actor/dancer?

2. Have you ever lied about your child’s age to get them into an audition?

3. Have you depleted your savings, college, and retirement accounts in your effort to get your child into show business?

4. Are you convinced that your child is more talented than 99% of kids in show business?

5. Have you ever forgotten the names of the rest of your children?

6. If someone told you that they could make your kid a star tomorrow but you had to sleep with him/her, would you do it?

7. Have you ever fired your child’s coach/trainer/teacher because your child is “already way beyond” anything he or she can be taught?

8. Did you have headshots of your child printed up before he or she turned six months old?

9. Would you let your child drop out of school in order to purse stardom?

10. Have you ever said something to someone only to have them look at you and respond “Good grief. You’re really stupid, aren’t you?”

A Mighty Heart

Last weekend I watched the movie "A Mighty Heart" with the best next door neighbors ever. It was my turn to choose a movie from NetFlix and Hubby decided he couldn't possibly stomach the drama-based-on-real-life tragic death of journalist Daniel Pearl. Our fabulous neighbors humored me and sat through my bewildered questions (movie seriously needed subtitles!) about what the heck was going on, as well as my hysterical sobbing at the end. Hello! We all knew that Daniel Pearl was going to die and not be found alive (it was all over the news in 2002), but just the same, I couldn't handle the thought of having my husband kidnapped and then horrifically killed (by beheading!!!) while I was pregnant with our first child. Putting myself in Mrs. Pearl's shoes was too much. I am still haunted by the film. Angelina Jolie did a fabulous job of portraying Mariane Pearl (Daniel's wife). I really, really liked her in this role... and she's not usually my favorite.

Now, Hubby's movie choice has arrived. I do not think I will be able to force myself to sit through Eddie Murphy's "Norbit". Seriously... I think the comedy will just be too awful. I should log-in to our NetFlix account and take over the next several movie choices. I think I will... Husband is in Canada on business.

Serves him right for ditching me with the precious children again -- who I love more than life itself. But G's favorite phrase is "ALL BY MYSELF" at the top of her lungs and is usually quickly followed by D's adamant "NO!" E is hell bent on becoming an evil "tween" (not quite a teenager, but not quite a small child either) before she needs to and I am about over the edge. In the mean time, H just turned 4 and it can be challenging to be an only child 75% of the time and then come into our loving, albeit hectic, free-for-all.