Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Licensure to be a Parent?

I have no idea if this story is true, but if it is, I no longer hold Britney or Jamie Lynn responsible for any of their actions because they just weren’t taught any better.

The latest gossip from Star Magazine has to do with Jamie Lynn Spears noticing she was putting on some weight and begging her mother for liposuction. Her mother not only approved it, but signed all kinds of forms saying that it was OK to perform this procedure on her underage daughter.

All of this supposedly happened when Jamie Lynn was pregnant and didn’t know it.

So, if she’s not pregnant enough to realize that she’s pregnant, she’s probably only a few months along, right? And how much weight could she have possibly gained? AND, even if she gained 10 – or even 20 – pounds WHO JUMPS RIGHT TO LIPOSUCTION?

When your underage daughter comes to you and says “Mom, I’ve gained, like, ten pounds and I really really really want liposuction. Pleeeeeeeease!” how about just telling her to go run around the block? How about seeing a dietitian? How about anything else?

I have reached the conclusion that there should be a questionnaire for the parents of child actors/singers/dancers. If the parents answer yes to three or more of the questions the child will not be allowed to pursue stardom, no matter how talented they are. (I may run for office with this as my platform, I just need to find the time.)

1. Do you still blame your parents for not letting you pursue your dream of becoming a singer/actor/dancer?

2. Have you ever lied about your child’s age to get them into an audition?

3. Have you depleted your savings, college, and retirement accounts in your effort to get your child into show business?

4. Are you convinced that your child is more talented than 99% of kids in show business?

5. Have you ever forgotten the names of the rest of your children?

6. If someone told you that they could make your kid a star tomorrow but you had to sleep with him/her, would you do it?

7. Have you ever fired your child’s coach/trainer/teacher because your child is “already way beyond” anything he or she can be taught?

8. Did you have headshots of your child printed up before he or she turned six months old?

9. Would you let your child drop out of school in order to purse stardom?

10. Have you ever said something to someone only to have them look at you and respond “Good grief. You’re really stupid, aren’t you?”

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