Sunday, January 30, 2011


OMG!  As I was blog stalking, I discovered the most FANTASTIC blog post.  You absolutely have to check our Julie at A Day in the Wife.  Get ready to laugh your butt off. 

Warning!  Do not read near the wee ones.  This is an adults-only post!!!!!

Whoreticulture: The industry and science of whores and whore-related topics. Whoreticulturists work and conduct research in the disciplines of OB-GYNery, Brazilian waxers and shavers, adultery, personal hygiene mavens and easy women. The word is composite, from two words, whore, from Greek meaning "harlot" or "dear", and the word "culture". Like NPR's Science Friday, Whoreticulture Friday exists to educate and spark discussion on the science of Whorology. Whoreticulture Friday is not for children. Or squeamish people. Or Mother-In-Laws. Or people I work with. Or neighbors who are raising feral cats. Or the ghost of Liberace.

Today's topic: My New Pink Button

Sometimes, gentle reader, a vajacial is just not enough.  

Perhaps after your vagina has been ripped, tweezed, buffed, exfoliated, powdered, masqued, and had "Goodnight Moon" read to it, you are tucking it in for the night and you think, "Honey, you look a little pale.  Are you okay?"  And perhaps you are one of those people who might stare at their own vagina for a VERY VERY long time, like other people might watch a sleeping baby, or a movie, or three-day biopic.  And then perhaps, just perhaps, you are of the opinion that young vaginas are very pink vaginas, and maybe yours is on the pale side, and you develop a DYE SO YOU CAN ARTIFICIALLY COLOR YOUR LABIA.  Because NO ONE wants an old, pale pussy.  No one.

Get your things in order.  The Mayans were right. 

Yes, ladies, your prayers have been answered.  For only $29.95, you can dye your labia back to it's original jailbait shade of fuschia.

ME:  "Hey Gail, what are you doing tonight?"
GAIL:  "Not much - the kids are out with their dad."
ME:  "Mine are at the basketball game.  Hey!  I have a great idea!"
GAIL:  "What?!"
ME:  "Why don't you come over and we can dye our vaginas!"
GAIL:  "Awesome!  I'll bring the champagne and the rhinestones, let's tat those bitches up!"
ME:  "Don't forget the outline for the PTA fundraiser."

GAIL:  "Got it right here."

Apparently, the owner/founder/colorist for My New Pink Button was concerned that her kitten had started looking like an old bleached out feral alley cat.  Naturally, she went online to research her desired coochie color, and found THOUSANDS of people online who had the exact. same. problem.  Which makes me weep a little for the world.

She developed her product.  I will assume that some of the blends maybe didn't work out.  Whose labia burned with those mistakes?  How many vaginas suffered so you could have a perfectly pink pita pocket?  Just like when you were head cheerleader?

Let me take a moment to say that the founder of My New Pink Button is gorgeous, and probably smart, and found a product that apparently people want.  Her packaging is great (ba-dum-dum!), and I love the names of the different colors of product.  They also apparently help with cosmetics for post-op breast cancer patients, and perhaps this product makes people feel good, and improves their self-esteem, and for that I say bravo.  The company seems legit, but a little tongue in cheek (eeew, I know, right?), and I can appreciate some humor.  

But I have trouble getting past the words "labia dye". 

I have a question for the Pink Button people - why stop at pink?  What if I want to go a little farther on the color wheel?  Maybe I want a Purple People Eater.  Or Green Eggs and Ham.  Or maybe I want to be a slutty Smurfette.  Or perhaps I don't want to stop with my labia.  Maybe I want to be Rainbow Brite in my Hinterlands.  What if I want a turquoise uterus?  Then where do I turn, Pink Button people?  Where?  I see a huge gap in the market that needs to be filled. (These jokes just make themselves up.)

Move over Easy button.  There's a New Pink Button in town.

Because feminism was about choices.  Betty Friedan didn't make all those cake mixes so we could live with pale vaginas.  She wanted us to have choices.  She wanted our buttons to be able to be both Easy AND Pink.  Now we can finally have it all.  Yay, feminism!  Make mine the color of Watermelon Sherbet!  With sprinkles!

Happy Whoreticulture Friday!  May your buttons be easy and your labias be as pink as they wanna be!

Friday, January 28, 2011

25th Anniversary of Challenger Disaster

You know how there are some HUGE events that affect the entire nation and you can remember where you were either when the events occurred or when you first heard about them?  Obviously, most recently most USA citizens can remember where they were when September 11th, 2001 occurred.  My mom's generation remembers where they were when they heard about JFK's assassination.

For me, as a child, I remember where I was then the Challenger space shuttle exploded.

I was in second grade.  Several other classrooms squeezed into my classroom to watch the LIVE transmission of  the launch of the Challenger.  We were so young and so excited.  Then... we were so very confused!!!  What just happened?  We saw lots of smoke and fire and there didn't appear to be a shuttle anymore.  The television was quickly shut off and we were left bewildered and forced to move on to our next math lesson -- much to our dismay!

Seriously, what just happened?

Sharon Christa McAuliffe, the first teacher to fly in space. Selected from among more than 11,000 applicants from the education profession for entrance into the astronaut ranks!  Or Ronald McNair, only the second African American to ever participate in a NASA mission...

Seven brave men and women tragically died on that gorgeous, sunny morning on January 28, 1986.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Next Time I Fall

This song always reminds me of high school and one of my very first and life changing sweethearts. I was engaged in high school.  He was a bit older than I and it was quite the romance...  Since he loved Peter Cetera, we listened to one particular CD often.

The Next Time I Fall
~ Peter Cetera with Amy Grant

Love, like a road that never ends
How it leads me back again
To heartache
I'll never understand
Darling, I put my heart upon the shelf
'Til the moment was right
And I tell myself...

Next time I fall in love
I'll know better what to do
Next time I fall in love
Ooh, ooh, ooh
The next time I fall in love
The next time I fall in love
It will be with you

Oh, now, as I look into your eyes
Well, I wonder if it's wise
To hold you like I've wanted to before
Ooh, I was thinking that you might
Be the one who breathes life
Into this heart of mine

(Repeat chorus)

Next time, I'm gonna follow through
And if it drives me crazy
I will know better why
The next time I try

(Repeat chorus)

Next time I fall in love
Oh, whoa, oh
Next time I fall in love
Ooh, ooh, ooh
The next time I fall in love
The next time I fall in love
It will be with you

Monday, January 24, 2011


Sometimes I joke about being batty. But I guess I assume everyone must seem that way at one time or another, right?! However, I think the last week or two has proven that I am, perhaps, as cracked as Humpty Dumpty.

Cracked. Demented. Unhinged. Deranged. Insane. Cuckoo. Mad. Touched. Looney.

Emotionally, I've been a complete mess. A blubbering, teary mess. Over nothing. In the last 48 hours, tears have overwhelmed me SEVERAL times for all kinds of trivial reasons. Things that I normally wouldn't give a second thought to have turned me all kinds of melancholy.

I'm not that girl. 


Or at least I wasn't recently.


How do I find a STABLE ME again? 

That is the million dollar question right now.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Wedding of the Century - Video Trailer

On September 11, 2010, I attended the Wedding of the Century!  Husband's best friend married the most gorgeous, sweet, lovable, near perfect woman ever.  (To say the least, we adore her as much as Big M, the best friend.)  Several weeks ago, the lovely newlyweds shared a trailer to their wedding video with us.  As I viewed it, I was moved to tears once more.  The ceremony was truly one of the sweetest, most personal and touching that I have ever witnessed.  It was so awesome!!!

So, enjoy the wedding trailer as I did...  New love is so fantastic! Or view pictures that I took at The Event on my Picasa webpage.

E + M // Our Time from capture studios on Vimeo.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Disturbing Images - No Anorexia Campaign

As a mother of four children, three of whom are daughters, I often worry about body image issues and the unrealistic images that are shown to our children (and adults) as being "beautiful" and desirable.  The unbelievable skinniness that is portrayed as achievable by popular media makes my stomach churn and my eyes bleed.

In November 2010, it was heart-breaking to read of the passing of famous French model Isabelle Caro, age 28, after her battle with anorexia.  In 2007, Ms. Caro bravely shared her frail, skeletal body weighing only 70 pounds (31kg) in a PSA campaign in Italy called "No Anorexia".  The campaign was heralded as showing the true dangers of eating disorders, and criticized for giving young girls images to strive for.

Seriously?!  Images to strive for?  I highly doubt most folks will be able to view these photos and remain unaffected -- or want to imitate the look.



Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Minnesota Winter

I have a general rule of thumb concerning Minnesota winters.  If you willingly choose to live in Minnesota, you are NOT allowed to gripe about the eternal, frigid, bone numbing, painfully long winters that tend to feel as if they last at least NINE MONTHS.

However, I am contemplating breaking my own rule.

It's been quite a challenging year.  On an average year, we receive about 9 to 10 inches of snow in December in Minnesota.  We receive approximately 11 inches of snow in a regular January.

Last month, our city received the following larger snow storms:

December 3-4th with 8 inches
December 10-11th with 17 inches
December 15-16th with 3 inches
December 20-21st with 5 inches

So, not that any of us are counting... but that means we received a minimum of 33 inches of snow in December.

HELLO?!?!?!?!?!?!  Anyone listening?!?!?  


I like to (NOT) shovel as much as the next proud Minnesotan, but seriously?!  SIGH.

Record-setting December snowfall totals were common across southern and central Minnesota - with many Minnesotans seeing roughly triple the historical average. Widespread, heavy snowfalls occurred on at least five occasions somewhere in Minnesota. Snowfall totals of eight or more inches were common. In some events snowfall totals exceeded 12 inches, including a 17.1 inch total on December 10-11th! This was the largest December snowfall on record for the Twin Cities, and was largely responsible for the collapse of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. 

Which, by the way, have you seen the amazing video of the Metrodome roof colllasping?!  Check it out...

So, now I will stop complaining, because I really had no point to my ramblings -- other than venting.  Enjoy the great song below from a fellow Minnesotan who makes funs of all of our crazy weather.

If you'd like to read more about the plight of those stupid, er... brainless, ahem! BRAVE souls (like me), who continue to survive and thrive Minnesota winters, please read THIS hard to understand, but informative article about  Minneapolis/St. Paul winter trends.

P.S. This was my mini-van AFTER I HAD ALREADY SHOVELED IT OUT ONCE the same day...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Flannel On Top

Tuesday's Tunes brings us all of the awesome-ness of "Minnesota Gurls".  I'm on a Minnesota kick this week!!!

Somebody had to do it. Minnesota's response to Katy Perry's "California Gurls" by Dime and Peppimoo ft. Cookie and Twizzler. Appearances by Dizzay, Marf and Paperboy.
Download this song!

Dime: I know a place, with summer, winter, spring and autumn.
Ten thousand lakes, finding a beach is not a problem.
Chewing lutefisk, lying underneath the pine trees.
Lumberjacks, bust their axe, trying to creep a little sneak peek (at us)

Bridge (Peppimoo): You can travel the world, but nothing comes close to a Grain Belt toast.
Once you angle with us, you'll be falling in love.

Chorus: Minnesota gurls we're unforgettable, waterproof boots with flannel on top.
Wind chaffed skin will turn your legs to popsicles, ooooo.
Minnesota gurls, our spam is fryable, farm fresh fun, we're working every block.
Midwest represent now zip your jackets up. ooooooo.

Dime: Stars in the sky, instead of only on the sidewalks.
We jam, in our van. Prince is on the stereo.


Cookie: Spray on tan, now we ready.
Need a shovel this snow is heavy.
Uf dah, the big midwest.
These are the girls I love the best.
I met her at Lake Wobegon.
34 degrees, but no coat was on.
She's a hometown girl.
We went to Valleyfair, did the Tilt-a-Wirl.
On to Mall of America, 

California dude would you please stop starin brah?
Or keep on staring on to Target Field.
Ask Joe Mauer, these 'burns are real.
Outside ball, we're hangin' out,
We'll play through hail without a doubt.
You've got the Lakers, we've got the Wolves.
That comparison was terrible.
I regret that line, I'll take it back.
I'm Paul Bunyan, check out my axe.
I'm a real man's man, I just wanna show ya, 

cuz your representing Minnesnowta.


Twizzler: Minnesota, Minnesota Gurls X2

Sunday, January 16, 2011

MLK 25 Challenge

To mark the 25th anniversary of the King Holiday, and to encourage ongoing service throughout the year, we are launching the MLK 25 Challenge – a call to all Americans to honor Dr. King by pledging to take at least 25 actions during 2011 to make a difference for others and strengthen our communities. Watch the MLK 25 Challenge video.
From something as simple as cleaning a neighborhood park to a more intensive commitment such as becoming a mentor, the key is to give of yourself in some way to help others. You may want to volunteer in a range of efforts, or make a sustained commitment to a single cause. There is no shortage of work to be done, or lack of ways to get involved. Follow your passion, and find something that’s right for you. You can find volunteer opportunities and get ideas for your own projects by visiting


Friday, January 14, 2011

Power of Smell

Ladies, be honest: When it comes sexual attraction, how important is a guy’s smell? Not just his cologne or deodorant, but his natural scent? At Good in Bed, we believe that a woman should “follow her nose—it always knows.”
Research supports this idea: In two large studies led by Brown University olfactory expert Dr. Rachel Herz, women ranked a man’s scent as the most important feature for determining whether she would be sexually interested in him.
As it turns out, scent may be the main way in which women literally sniff out genetic compatibility with a potential mate. How we smell is an external expression of the genes that make up our immune system.
Like fingerprints, each of us has our own unique “odor print,”  which is part of a region of genes known as the major histocompatibility complex (MHC). Women prefer the scent of men whose MHCs are different from their own.
So when we say that opposites attract, we may not be talking about differences in personality, but rather differences in immune systems.  This is one of Nature’s ways of ensuring that we produce the healthiest offspring. No wonder that a woman’s sense of smell is at its peak when she’s ovulating and most likely to get pregnant.
In one study, a wide variety of men were each asked to wear the same T-shirt for two days in a row, after which the shirts were put into identical boxes. Various women were then asked to smell the shirts and to indicate which they thought would have the most sexually attractive wearers, based on the smell. The results showed that women were most attracted to men with an MHC most dissimilar from their own, while T-shirts worn by guys with similar MHC profiles tended to be rated as “fatherly” or “brotherly” but not sexually attractive. And in a survey conducted by the research firm Strategy One, 56 percent of women said they wouldn’t date a guy who smells like their dad.
So what about that cup of joe? Dr. Alan Hirsch, director of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, conducted research on behalf of AXE body products to determine women’s scent preferences in 10 different cities. “In each city we tested, women reported different scent preferences,” he says, “indicating that geography has a direct correlation to what scents women find attractive.”
Here are the scents that women found most preferable by region:
1.      New York – coffee
2.      Los Angeles – lavender
3.      Chicago – vanilla
4.      Houston – barbeque
5.      Atlanta – cherry
6.      Phoenix – eucalyptus
7.      Philadelphia – clean laundry
8.      Dallas – smoke/fireplace
9.      San Diego – suntan lotion/ocean
10.  Minneapolis-St. Paul – cut grass
I know what you’re thinking: Cut grass? Clean laundry? What the…?!
But there’s a science to these preferences. Scent can trigger powerful memories, especially from our childhoods, which is why these scents may still exert a hold on us years later. And according to Hirsch, “Research has shown that when women are in the presence of a preferred scent, they are more likely to project positive feelings on those around them, which can lead to increased attraction.”
While there is little to evidence to suggest that scent plays as powerful a role for men in sexual attraction, another study by  Hirsch found that the scents of lavender, pumpkin pie, donuts, and black licorice increased blood flow to the penis by nearly 40 Percent. And as I discuss in my book 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex,  “Certain scents increase oxygen in the brain, which in turn affects emotion, attitude, hormone levels, and energy. Both men and women respond positively to scents such as vanilla, black pepper and cinnamon. Other scents that are supposed to have libido-boosting qualities include frankincense, ginger, lavender, lime, orange, patchouli, and rose.”
So, enjoy that cup of coffee, mow the lawn, or fire up the grill—you never know what will happen!
Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Fruit Market

My darling daughter, Little Princess, decided to have a "Fruit Market" the other evening.  I guess the best spot in the house consisted of the top of the humidifier in the kitchen.  Really?!?!?  I swear, I took 382 pictures but was still unable to get her to keep her eyes open.  Finally both of us gave up and ended up with this picture.

But it's all good, because apparently, I need to pay my five-year old $1 to buy back one of the apples or oranges at the Fruit Market, which I already paid for at the grocery store... AWESOME!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Life is a Highway

I love Rascal Flatts.  Their sound is fabulous!
"Life is a Highway" is from the children's Pixar movie, Cars.

"Life is a Highway"
~ Rascal Flatts
Well, life's like a road that you travel on
There's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind

There's a world outside every darkened door
Where Blues won't haunt you anymore
For the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore

We won't hesitate
To break down the guarding gate
There's not much time left today, yeay

Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If you're going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long

Through all these cities and all these towns
It's in my blood and it's all around
I love now like I loved you then
This is the road and these are the hands
From Mozambique to those Memphis nights
The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights

They knock me down
And back up again
You're in my blood
I'm not a lonely man
There's no load I can't hold
The road's so rough this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in
Just tell 'em we're survivors

Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If your going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, yeah

Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long (mmmm yeah)
If your going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long

There was a distance between you and I
(between you and I)
A misunderstanding once
But now, we look it in the eye


There ain't no load that I can't hold
The road's so rough this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in
Just tell 'em we're survivors

Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long (all night long, yeah hey)
If your going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long

Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If your going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long

Life is a highway, I wanna ride it
All night long
If your going my way, I wanna drive it
All night long

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, yeah

Monday, January 10, 2011

Raffle for A Great Cause

Even more awesome Chemo Angel news... 

They are having their annual Valentine's Day Raffle!!!

Check it out!  For every $1 donation you make, you can purchase a chance to win one of fifteen great prizes, as well as support an awesome organziation!  SCORE!

You can purchase raffle tickets through Chemo Angels until February 1, 2011.  The drawings will be held on February 2.  To buy chances, please click on this link. (

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Pay It Forward

My very favoritest organization to volunteer with, Chemo Angels, is struggling to find enough "Angels" to meet the demand of their program. Chemo Angels is a fabulous, heart-felt program dedicated to supporting people with cancer. In addition to providing helpful information and cancer related resources to patients, Chemo Angels matches patients who are going through the difficult time of chemotherapy with "Angels". The function of these Angels is - through little notes, cards and occasional small gifts - to bring a bit of cheer and encouragement to their patient (who are called an Angels "buddy").

Over the past few years, I have volunteered with Chemo Angels on and off and been assigned to a few buddies (patients). Sending notes to my buddy has been an extremely gratifying, inspiring, encouraging, rewarding and humbling experience. I cannot express how deeply the involvement with such a worthy organization has affected me in a positive way.

I strongly encourage you to learn more about Chemo Angels and see if it would be a good volunteering match for you. It truly takes very little bit of your time and money, but it has a MASSIVE impact on the life some important, deserving people. I would love to answer any questions you may have about my experiences as an Angel.

To learn more about how you can help Chemo Angels, or if you are able to make any type of financial donation, please visit their website at

Friday, January 7, 2011

"Youer than You"

‎"Today you are You, 
that is truer than true. 
There is no one alive,
who is Youer than you." 

Dr. Seuss

What a great quote!  Dr. Seuss had the absolute best-ever quotes and insights -- all uniquely hidden within children's book.  Have you ever read "My Many Colored Days" (my all-time favorite childrens book) or "Oh, the Places You'll Go"?  How about "Bartolomew and the Oobleck" or "The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins"?  LOVE ALL OF THEM!  

Go forth and explore all of life's meanings by re-reading all of Dr. Seuss' prolific writings.  Start by introducing your wee ones to the Seussville website.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Trivial Thursdays

Trivial Thursdays!  The fabulous-ness of answering a few (usually five) random questions each week is making a come-back.  Feel free to grab the 5 questions and link back to me.

What is your guilty pleasure?
Hmmmm... do I have any guilty pleasures?  Since being overwhelmed with four children, I often feel like I'm stuck in the back of the bus and don't save any guilty pleasures for just me.  Perhaps my guilty pleasure is my yearly trip "Up North" in May with my scrapping friends.

What magazines do you subscribe to?
Only two... Taste of Home and Creating Keepsakes (scrapbooking mag). Now that I think about it, my two magazine subscriptions also feel like a guilty pleasure, because we certainly can't afford them, but I always look forward to them!

What is one thing you miss about your childhood?
This question could be answered in so many ways.  What strikes my fancy right now... I miss just being a carefree, self-centered (in a normal, healthy way) child, who was not responsible for bills and laundry and taking care of so many other people.

Are you still friends with your friends from high school?

I am still friends with a couple people from high school.  Actually, my brother in law married my best friend from high school and so, although, I am no longer close friends with said HS BFF, we are family now...  I am actually still in touch with and kind of close friends with a few elementary school and junior high friends.  There is this myth that folks in the Midwest stay put after high school and keep their friends for eternity.  I wonder how true this is...

Are you a neat sleeper or a messy sleeper?
Messy sleeper.  I do not like to be mummified by blankets or small children who creep into my bed in the middle of the night, or any other innocent victim who slither into my flip-flopping sleep area.

P.S. I wish I could tell you that I make my bed every day, but I don't.  I refuse to make it, just to mess it up again each night.  However, I will agree that it feels better to slip into a nicely made bed each night... but oh well!  We all have our limitations and short-comings.  

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Tuesday's Tunes

I love the infectious sound of Micheal Franti & Spearhead in "Say Hey (I Love You)".  It was the best song of last summer... or wait, was that two summers ago?  We all know that I'm not the most trendy and definitely don't claim to be up on trends or anything hip and chic.  Plus, who doesn't adore a hottie with a moral compass!?!

Say Hey (I Love You!)
~ Michael Franti & Spearhead

This one goes out to you and yours worldwide
I say hey I be gone today
But I be back around the way
Seems like everywhere I go
The more I see
the less I know
But I know one thing
That I love you
I love you (3x)

I’ve been a lot of places all around the way
I’ve seen a lot joy and I’ve seen a lot of pain
but I don’t want to write a love song for the world,
I just want to write a song about a boy and a girl
Junkies on the corner always calling my name
And the kids on the corner playing ghetto games
When I saw you getting down well I hoped it was you
And when I looked into your eyes I knew it was true
I say Hey! I be gone today
But I be back around the way
Seems like everywhere I go
The more I see
the less I know
But I know one thing
That I love you
I love you (3x)

Now I’m not a highly metaphysical man
But I know when the stars are aligned you can
Bump into person in the middle of the road
look into their eyes and you suddenly know
Rocking in the dance hall moving with you
Dancing in the night in the middle of June
My momma told me don’t lose you
‘cause the best luck I had was you
I said Hey I be gone today
But I be back around the way
Seems like everywhere I go
The more I see the less I know
But I know one thing
That I love you
I love you (3x)

And I said rocking in the dance hall moving with you
I said Hey Momma, Hey Momma close to you
Rocking in the dance hall moving with you
I said hey trippa trippa close to you
Rocking in the dance hall moving with you
I said Hey Momma close to you
Rocking in the dance hall I said
Hey Momma, Hey Momma, Hey Momma, Hey Momma

My momma told me don’t lose you
Cause the best luck I had was you
And I know one thing that I love you
I said I be gone today but I’ll be back around the way
It seems like everywhere I go
The more I see the less I know
But I know one thing for sure
I love you (3x)