Saturday, September 26, 2009

You Don't Say

Sometimes children say the funniest or most innocently profound things. Or often, in my case, my children say the most inappropriate things, which in hind sight can be amusing -- or not. For example...
Out of the blue, my two year old walked up to me, big his pudgy little hands on either side of my cheeks and said, "I was a baby in your tummy. When I was really big, I fell out."

* * * * *

While at one of my nine-year old daughter's baseball games, my sister offered to take my three-year old daughter, Little Boo, to the park rec building to go to the bathroom. When they entered the bathroom, Boo ran ahead and locked Auntie out of the bathroom stall. Boo was yelling, "Me do it myself! I can do it." Auntie waited outside the bathroom stall and tried to casually peer through the door crack.

A few seconds later Auntie heard Boo yell, "Awwww! NUTS! It's in my underwear."

Auntie said, "It's okay. Just come out here."

Boo started yelping, "Come in! Come in! Peas help."

Auntie said, "Honey, I can't. You locked it."

Boo started wailing louder. "Yes, you can come in. Just push it open. I said it's okay. Peas come in. Just push it open NOW!" It took Auntie a while to convince Boo that she couldn't bust down the stall door and that Boo actually had to get off the toilet to unlock the door for her.

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A friend's five-year old son recently had the following conversation with his mom:

E went through a phase when he was younger where he would ask me questions about how the baby gets in “there” on almost a daily basis. I started out very vague (but no lies) and finally got exhausted with all the questions so I gave him the “correct” terms, i.e. egg & sperm, and he seemed satisfied then that I was giving him the whole story. Not sure why he started asking again but good God!

The other night, after reading our nightly bedtime story at the cabin, E asked me, “How does the egg & that other thing make a baby?” (He had seen his new cousin 5 week old baby Isabel that day.)

I said, “You mean the sperm?”

He said, “Yes, that thing.”

I said, “Well, you know how our dog Willie digs down into the sand on the beach when it is hot out so he can lie down in the cool sand? No one taught him how to do that. He just knew how."

Explanation sounds good so far so I continued and said, "The sperm & the egg, when they get together, just know how to make a baby. They have the right tools to make the baby, not like hammers though.”

E says, “Oh. I didn’t think they have hammers; I thought they had wrenches.”

* * * * *

Driving along in the car with my 2-year old son, 4-year old daughter and 9-year old daughter. The children are all screaming and fighting and hissing and spitting and basically attempting to annihilate each other in whatever way is humanly possible while strapped into the proper car seats.

The shrieking banshee, formerly known as my 4-year old daughter, keeps screaming, "Where are we going? Are we there yet?"

I sigh LOUDLY. I have already told her twelve bajillion times in the past 30 seconds where we are going.

Thankfully my 2-year old son jumps in and yells at the top of his healthy lungs: "We're going crazy and Mommy says I AM DRIVING!!!"

Alrighty then. I guess the little parrot must have heard that one too many times...

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