Sunday, July 5, 2009

Thirty-Six Years


Friday, July 3rd was supposed to be my parents 36th wedding anniversary.

Thirty-six is an impressive number. Or rather, it would have been if my parents hadn't divorced many, many years ago when I was in junior high school. July 3rd is always a bit of a sad day for me. Especially now that I am married...

I worry and wonder if my marriage will also meet the same fate.

It goes without saying that I am committed to my marriage 110%! I have no doubt in my heart of hearts that Hubby and I are in it for the long haul. I believe we are willing to make all of the necessary sacrifices for our marriage to work.

Yet, the inexplicitly depressing part is, I think my mom felt the same way. She was completely committed to her marriage and I think she expected it to last. It appears my mom was blind-sided when my dad came to her in April of 1991 and told her that he wanted a "trial separation". I cannot imagine the emotional scars she must have from that experience.

My father too. Yet, I find it harder to relate to his point of view. The child in me stomps my foot and hisses, "But he CHOSE to leave. Plus he wasn't left without any way to make ends meet and the scary responsibility of supporting three, insane girls like Mom was."

I am quite aware of the emotional baggage I carry around. As I have become an adult, I reflect on my life experiences, particularly those emotionally charged situations from childhood. The more I reflect, the more I have a deep rooted and new-found sense of appreciation for what my mom experienced and how she raised us, her three, crazy, strong-willed and rebellious daughters.

Wow! I have meandered and trampled all over the board as I blog today...

I am sad that my parent's marriage didn't survive. I am scared that, despite my best intentions and tons of hard work, my marriage won't make it to 36 years. I am in awe of all of the couples that have made it through the rough spots.

To lighten up things a bit, I guess statistics shouldn't be taken into account. I mean, Come on, People! Let's think about the challenges Hubby and I have already experienced to get where we are. Statistics aside, it appears the ODDS HAVE TO BE IN OUR FAVOR!

The cliff-notes version of our formerly highly, unpredictable relationship includes

* Started dating when I was 19-ish and he was 22 or 23.
* Had a rocky relationship with s couple of break ups over 2-3 years.
* Had a final, awful break-up.
* Less than 2 weeks later, I discovered I was pregnant.
* Our precious E (now almost 9 years old) was born August 2000.
* We co-parented E from separate houses, and never re-newed our romantic relationship.
* Fast forward four years -- C was in a relationship with J.
* In June 2004, my precious, step daughter H (who just turned 5 years old) was born.
* C and J broke-up.
* C and I reconciled. August 2004, Little E and I moved in with C.
* Our 3rd daughter, G was born in September 2005.
* C and I were married in November 2005.
* Our only son (4th child), D was born in November 2006.

The rest, as they say, is history.

So, give me your honest opinion... we're gonna make it, right? We've just been "blessed" enough to have our worst hardships in the beginning of our relationship, right? Right?!

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