Thursday, October 7, 2010

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Other Drivers on My Morning (or Afternoon) Route:

I realize you are trying to get your child to (or from) school... but so am I. And in doing so, we have to drive on residential streets where people (rudely) park on both sides - which means that one of us has to get over and make room for the other. And you know what, Other Drivers? It wouldn't kill you to be THAT polite and accommodating person once in a while.

Listen! Just because you're rolling in a Hummer the size of mother-effing Alaska does not mean you are automatically entitled to the right-of-way. Bigger does not equal more important, folks! You can pull over and wait just as easily as I can. And while we're on the subject: when you do insist on barging your way through a skinny little pathway with cars on either side, at least wait until I can pull over. I don't feel like grating along the side of a parked car just because you've got to power your big arse on through rightthissecond. And no, there's not enough room. It's too close for comfort. I'm in a Dodge Caravan minivan here, not a flippin' SmartCar.

As long as I’m on a roll -- one more thing, Other Drivers, when I do pull over and let you pass (which I seem to do 98.1% of the time, you pushy a-holes), at least give me a wave. A smile. A lift of the finger. Anything to acknowledge that you actually appreciate me sacrificing two seconds of my valuable time so that you can motor on uninterrupted. Would it hurt to show some appreciation, Other Drivers? No, it wouldn't. I'm not asking you to blow me kisses. Damn.

Please think about all this before I see you again tomorrow morning. Or your big stupid vehicle might just get sideswiped.  (Think of the scene from the movie Friend Green Tomatoes with Kathy Bates in the grocery store parking lot…)


One Ticked-Off, Mini-Van Driving, Manic Mommy


Elisabeth Black said...

Absolute best scene in a movie ever. ever.

"I'm older and have more insurance." Bwahahahahhahaha

And I feel you on the pull over.

Jami said...

LOL I have referred to this scene so many times! It's a classic.
The drivers that make me nuts are garage sale seekers. I had one of these situations where there were cars parked on both sides once and as I was going through, this old guy in a Toyota pulled right up to my front bumper like HE has the right of way! We were stuck there nose to nose and this jerk was trying to push my mini van full of kids back down the road. (this was in a quiet culdesac neighborhood!) I let out a few expletives, but I ended up having to back out of the road and pull over because I figured it might get ugly if I persisted. Whenever I see his plates now, I cringe. Oh yeah, I got his plates!

An Imperfect Momma said...

Stopping over from Drama Mamas...Love this post and LOVE the movie. Definitely need to rent that again ASAP

Annie said...

Me too! It's definitely worth renting again. LOVE IT!