Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Regis SUCKS

You know, I just cannot stand awful incidents of misogynist behavior.  It makes my stomach lurch and feel as if I will hurl at any moment.  I came across this posting at The Daily Femme.  UGH!  Read on...


Regis Philbin smacks Nicki Minaj’s behind and tells her he ‘wishes’ he could ‘get hard’ and a majority of viewers find it ‘funny’



So I’ve never been a big “Regis and Kathy Lee” fan…which is probably obvious since I am still calling it “Regis and Kathy Lee” even though Kelly Ripa became the new co-host years ago, but this Monday, I felt really good knowing that I’ve never wasted my time watching this particular talk show when Regis Philbin grabbed Nicky Minaj’s behind after her performance on their show (see video below). This was right after he mentioned how much he loved the way she dresses while checking out her hemline and then saying, “it looks like you have a little strap around you there, you know what I mean?”
To add insult to injury, after Nicki Minaj said that she received the advice “Go hard” in the music industry, Regis responded with: “Go hard? Wish I could!” How clever.
Oh Regis, perhaps it’s time to call it quits eh? And since it seems that you’ve never left the 1950s, here is a tip: grabbing women’s bodies in front of millions of viewers and spouting out come on jokes is not only sleazy, it also won’t win you more audience among daytime TV watchers. Or will it? Apparently according to a poll on The Huffington Post, over 55% percent of those watching the show said that not only did they feel Regis was not behaving inappropriately, they also thought that “it’s no big deal, he was just being funny.”
And there we have it people. We might not be in the days of Mad Men but we still live in a world where an old nasty man smacking a young women in public is ‘funny.’ I don’t know which is worse, the action itself or the fact that people still see it as “no big deal,” although reading some of the comments which echo the old “she was asking for it” schpeel  was rather hard to take. When people say that because Nicky Minaj dresses in a provocative manner or ‘acts whorish’ she therefore deserves to be groped is not only slut shaming 101, it also condones such offensive behavior on a larger scale. So ladies, next time you decide to wear that short skirt or dance in a wee too sexy way in a club, expect your ass to be up for grabs by any man young or old because hey, it’s cool on TV so why not! This type of behavior happens too often on television for example when Isaac Mizrahi grabbed Scarlett Johansson’s breast at the Golden Globes or Richard Gere grabbed and kissed Indian actress Shilpa Shetty during an AIDS awareness program. Both of these events lead to outrage, protest and apologies; I can only hope that Regis keeps being called on his outrageous behavior until he too apologizes and learns to spell the word RESPECT.


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Kiss To Build A Dream On

Tuesdays Tunes is still holding strong...

This week's song just plain ol' makes me smile on the inside and outside.  Who wouldn't smile with utter abandoned joy when they hear this fabulously classic song?  Enjoy!



A Kiss to Build A Dream On
~ Louis Armstrong

Give me a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A kiss to build a dream on

Give me a kiss before you leave me
And my imagination will feed my hungry heart
Leave me one thing before we part
A kiss to build a dream on

And when I'm alone with my fancies, I'll be with you
Weaving romances, making believe they're true

Oh, give me your lips for just a moment
And my imagination will make that moment live
Give me what you alone can give
A kiss to build a dream on

When I'm alone with my fancies, I'll be with you
Weaving romances, making believe they're true

Oh, give me lips for just a moment
And my imagination will make that moment live
Oh, give me what you alone can give
A kiss to build a dream on


Monday, December 6, 2010

Boulder Holder

I was fairly sure that I wouldn't blog about this episode, but I just decided I couldn't resist.  For those of you who are easily embarrassed, just click away RIGHT NOW!

You have been warned...

You know those bras you have that just don't fit right but you have no choice but to wear them because it's the only one that isn't in the bottom of the dirty clothes basket because Husband promised he would do all the laundry while you were busy at a million meetings on behalf of your children's PTA or Girl Scout Troop or anyway... and apparently, he neglected to do any of your laundry -- or any laundry at all... ?

*ahem*

Well, I had one of those on several weeks ago.  All morning it was rubbing me the wrong way and in all the wrong places.





I adjusted.

I pulled.

I shifted.

I itched!

Finally I left the office to go pick up my Little Man from preschool.  While waiting for the light to change at the intersection, I decided I had had enough.  I was ditching this boulder holder...

We've all done it... the amazing bra removal trick that doesn't require you to taking off your shirt. You know the one -- UNHOOK clasps in back, pull strap down through one arm sleeve, REACH THROUGH THE OTHER ARM HOLE and pull the bra out. VOILA!

SIGH!  Aaahhhhhhh! Instant relief.

Then, I look to the left to find an entire van full of construction workers watching me with big bright handy-man smiles... SWEET!

I rolled down the window and called out:

"That will be $10, you freaks!"

Last time I did the amazing bra trick and was caught, it was a car full of voyeuristic teenagers, male and female, in Mommy or Daddy's convertible Corvette. I simply looked at them said, "Yeah, your tits will sag this bad one day too. Good luck with that" and drove off.



Sunday, December 5, 2010

BFF

Dear Jennifer Aniston:

I need to be your best friend. 

I know, I don't even have half of a quarter of your $80 million net wealth and our finicky friendship would mostly rely on either A) you sitting at my house that is probably the size of a small bathroom in one of your many California mansions or B) me freeloading off you for fun, organic lunches in which we pretend to eat but do not actually consume calories, or elaborate and sumptuous dinners at the hottest restaurants, or nights out on the town at the swankiest hot-spots, or funky family “va-cays”…

But I swear I have a lot to offer! I can recite to you every.single.line you ever said in all 10 seasons of Friends. I can tell you fun little facts that you don't even remember about Rachel, like she wore Chanel 5, her middle name is Karen, she has 2 sisters and her dad is a doctor.

I can even overlook the fact that you smoke – which is pretty big of me because I would still be your most awesome friend and, usually, I pretty much refuse to even shake hands with people who are smokers, for fear that by merely touching them, I will contract cancer cells that will fly straight to my lungs & kill me on the spot. 

Go ahead and invite Courtney over too! But I will warn you that whatever friendship you have with her will be long gone once you realize just how wonderful I am! We are destined to be friends.  It’s so very true.  The voices in my head even confirmed these thoughts.

Oh, please Jennifer Aniston!  Please, please, prettttttyyyy pleeeaaase Jennifer Anniston! I swear if we are best friends I will not call you by your first and last name as so many psychotic fantabulous fans do. I will act completely normal, I PROMISE! Well, okay, as normal I can act.

Just think about it! Okay?!

Your crazy, insane, should be institutionalized BFF,
Me

And no, I don't have this picture framed, on my bedside table…





Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Truth Hurts... A LOT

Saturday, 1:34pm, all wee ones are playing outside in the snow.

I'm nursing a Barcadi Diet (more Barcardi, than Diet) and I’ve decided that you, my bloggy friends, missed me.

The words are always in my head, but I guess, you may rarely see them because I think I might be okay.  And not need this right now, but I do.  I am not the artist that has to create like a fat baby has to fart.  I am the artist that is doing something else with her life.  I am the artist of three little girls and one little boy.  I am dreaming and sculpting every day IN MY HEAD.

Then I get wasted and pass out instead of writing about it.

But I'm happy.  And I'm more comfortable with myself than ever.  One day I'll be so comfortable that I won't need to justify a cocktail.


Sometimes, I abhor you for being alive to read this.

However, mostly, I hate myself for being alive to write it.

And then?  I'm okay.

My anger and guilt is fleeting.

Someone told me about an NPR show featuring a scientist that was positive that their were infinite alternate universes.  Hmmmm… I thought.  What is this alternate universe like? Does it include us second guessing ourselves and making the wrong decision?  Or the right decision?  Did we save the lost soul? Or lost the baby?  Or did we turn left by accident?

I love to imagine these universes where I am slightly different, very different and even the same.  Imagining that every person and every thing is living their life over and over.

Little Princess obsesses over her clothes.  Barely five years old and she can ONLY wear what SHE chooses.  This usually includes:

1. lots of pink,
2. glittery sneakers, and
3. the biggest diva attitude any 31 pound, tiny, five year old has EVER possessed.

Some of the alternating pieces may vary, but I assure you that none of them A) match and/or B) fit properly for the season.

In an alternate universe, my under-garments are comfortable.  I do not piss away years of my life picking them from my arse crack, pulling them down or up, or frowning at their appearance through my pants.  There is an alternate universe, somewhere, where I don't even think about panties.

AND where my children nap for three hours…

Where I have another Barcardi Diet and take a nap.


Friday, December 3, 2010

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Trivial Thursday

Trivial Thursdays are back.  The fabulous-ness of answering a few (usually five) random questions each week is making a come-back.  Feel free to grab the 5 questions and link back to me.






What is the craziest fad diet you have ever done?
I'm not a fan of fad diets.  I haven't really ever had the self-control to partipate in fad diets.  Sorry!

Is there a TV show that you have seen every episode of?
The closest I've ever come to watching every single episode is probably Dawson's Creek.  Still LOVE that show!!!  Go Pacey! Go Dawson! Go Joey!

What one song always pulls at your heart?
I can't think of one off the top of my head.  Perhaps Tim McGraw's "Don't Take the Girl" or Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All" or Nicole C. Mullen's "Call On Jesus".

Did you have a pen pal when you were little (or now)? Where were they from?
Nope. No pen pals to speak of.  But, if you like the idea of writing to someone on a regular basis, please consider volunteering with CHEMO ANGELS!  I work with this awesome organization and it provides a very important service to folks suffering more than they ever need to suffer.

If you could do a different job for one day, what would it be?
I'd like to try being a Graphic Artist, or a Web Designer, or a Labor and Delivery Nurse or a NICU Nurse.