So, today my eldest daughter (now 10 and in 5th grade) wanted to play on my laptop. I told her to have a go at it. She played games for a little bit and then I saw her typing a document, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. She likes to type poems or journal. After Big E abandoned my laptop, I picked it up and found THIS:
My life, Jumping in Hoops
My life has always been shunted aside by the little children. I don’t like it at all. For example when I win a baseball or a soccer game the little kids always will come first I say, “can we go out for ice cream” my parents say, “sorry the little ones are to tired.”
Second example my dad and I finally want some alone time and the little ones want to be with us also, so I say, “but Daddy it’s just us right ?”. But my Dad says “sorry maybe next time sweetheart”. That night I had a broken heart. And I was not a sweetheart.
Now you understand my pain and I thank you for listening if you did. I should go now.
I'm trying not to over-react or read too much into it or just plain ol' freak out. But...
OH!!! THE GUILT!!!!!!
What have I done to my first born? Have I really neglected her while taking care of her three younger siblings? Have I caused her trauma,which will require several years of therapy?!
I need to ponder this for a while.