25: Number of minutes it takes to drive through town to get to the cheap theater.
4 million: Number of hours the same 25-minute drive FELT like while listening to three kids argue about who's turn it was to lead a rousing game of "I Spy With My Little Eye."
13: Number of toys that fell into a gigantic mud puddle when I opened my car door in the theater parking lot.
15: Number of people who were excited to learn that my family was sitting in their row at the theater.
3,491,876: Number of calories consumed within a two-hour period by my three children in the form of salt-soaked popcorn, Junior Mints, M&Ms, Twizzlers, nachos and soda.
4: Number of times Little Man went to the bathroom during the first half of the movie.
187: Number of people seated around us who think we handle the children well during a supposedly amusing, quiet, family-friendly movie.
523: Number of times Little Man "accidentally" kicked the back of the man's chair in front of us.
523: Number of times I apologized to the man in front of Little Man.
527: Number of times I asked the man in front of Little Man if I could buy him a soda, soft pretzel, nachos, or illegal narcotic.
3: Number of children who asked me, with a straight face, if they could have ice cream when we got home.
Infinite: Number of times we'll do this again when we get the chance. It was worth every penny, tear, apology, and minute of temporary insanity.