These past couple of years have often left me feeling emotionally hazed and haggard. There aren’t too many people who know everything that occurred. And that is okay. It's not necessary to know all the details. Let's suffice to say, I have often felt like a mobile home tossed around by a tornado.
Over the past year, I’ve questioned my sanity, my self worth, my everything. I’ve felt sensible one minute then as if I’ve been pushed into a pool of hot, sharp anguish the next. I’ve felt hopeful for a fleeting second, only to feel like a quivering ball of anxiety and despair the next. I no longer feel like the same woman I used to be. I’ve learned a lot this past year.
I’ve never considered myself a strong person. At least not emotionally.
But when I look back at the past couple of years, I see I’ve still made deadlines, cooked, cleaned the house, did lots of laundry, paid bills, grocery shopped, attended family gatherings, remembered birthdays, as well as tinkered with house and landscape projects. I’ve taken my children to museums, zoos, and parks, as well as met with teachers, volunteered in her classroom, attended soccer and t-ball games, hosted a play dates, lead a girl scout troop, wrote a a weekly newsletter for her elementary school, created the entire yearbook, helped with homework and reached out to my friends in need. I was still able to take on a few new volunteer projects, work on a few other creative endeavors, as well as organize several rooms in our home and even try to organize bits of my life.
In short, the world didn’t stop for me. I had to keep up. People were counting on me. And I delivered. (And yes, millions do it everyday. And no, I don’t expect a medal.) I was still able to make goals for myself and achieve them.
I’ve learned some crucial life lessons this year. I’ve learned to trust my instincts. I learned I’m smarter than what I give myself credit for. I learned that sometimes you have to let go. Sometimes, you have hold on. Sometimes, you have to ask for help. Sometimes you have to give help. Sometimes you have to let go of beliefs you’ve held onto for years. Sometimes you have to create new ones. Sometimes you want to give someone a solid kick in the butt. But sometimes its YOU who needs it. But always. You always need to be true to yourself.
There’s anxiety in change. But there’s also opportunity and hope. And if you keep your mind, heart and eyes open? Who knows what will happen.